Che mentioned, in a reply to a previous post, the idea of replacing common cliches with more B3ta-friendly ones
This has been playing on my mind, and I've came up with a few

"It's always darkest before dawn" should be replaced with "It's always darkest when your head's up your ass"

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" leads to "You can lead a supermodel to a fridge, but you can't make her eat"

"It's like teaching your Granny to suck eggs" should become "It's like teaching your Granny to hate black people" (although that may just be my Gran)

"The devil makes work for idle hands" sounds better as "If you've got nothing to do, play with yourself"

"A needle in a haystack" could become "Sensible advice on /talk"

Anyone got any others?
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 18:34, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything
"If you can't say something nice, /talk"
( le brian, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 19:34, Reply)

George Eliot
Once said

The scornful nostril and the high head gather not the odors that lie on the track of truth

I would change that to the B3ta ised

Don't let that truth crap get in the way of a funny story!
( RadG Drinking Mojitos in the sun, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 20:04, Reply)

A Fluffeh in the hand
is worth a Furtive on a glacier?

Better to be Blessed than maintain the Status Quo...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 20:08, Reply)

Don't cunt your eggs in the fuck
until they've bolted.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 21:32, Reply)

There are plenty more fish in the sea
I never liked him anyway and saw his gumtree no-strings-attached advert last week, but didn't want to tell you.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 21:48, Reply)

people
with glass cocks shouldn't pose for pictures
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 8:20, Reply)

I always preferred
it's like trying to find a piece of hay in a big pile of needles
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 8:49, Reply)

Morning peeps
"If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen" = "If you can't take a flaming, don't post dross on the QOTW"

"Curiosity killed the cat" = "Everytime you have a wank, God kills a kitten"

"Live and let live" = "Meh"

"The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" = "Boring QOTW - come to OT"

"You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs" = "I'd like to see what happens when you try to make an omelette without breaking the eggs"

"United we stand, divided we fall" = "United we drink, united we fall"

Is that enough for now?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 10:36, Reply)