Old QOTW answers
As this week's QOTW is unfunny with depressing regularity, I thought it might be interesting to reflect on past QOTW answers.

So what are your favourite answers from questions past?

Mine? At the top of Best on "Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?" The image of Stephen Hawking showing off his mad chair skills gives me the lols.

Bring on the sunshine!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 9:27, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Mine...
www.b3ta.com/questions/diy/post137746
( Cawl, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 9:43, Reply)

best graffiti ever
Someone in Leeds I think said that there's a cartoon of a woman in a crown with her thumbs up and written below it are the words ''Big up the Queen Mam, being dead is mint.''

I find that amazingly funny, no idea why though!
( wanderlust, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 9:44, Reply)

More Graffitti

The original scrawl said:

"I fucking hate blacks"

Reply:

"Yeah, I much prefer Millets!"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 9:48, Reply)

Graffiti
That photo of a sticker on a wall saying "Trapped in sticker factory. SEND HELP" had me uncontrollably crying with laughter :)

@Kaol - that's ace!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 9:55, Reply)

It wasn't on a QOTW
But all this graffiti talk has reminded me of when I saw a sign on a vending machine at a tube station saying "Machine out of order"
Only someone has written the word "time" above it.

I laughed so much I snorted.

*shames*
( wanderlust, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 10:02, Reply)

Well if we're doing self promotion...


b3ta.com/questions/deadbodies/post124901

Proudest day of my internet life when this was deemed winner!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 10:14, Reply)

Ape!
I remember clicking that, awesome stuff!

We should start a "Winners Club".

I'll make a badge.
( Cawl, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 10:20, Reply)

I always laugh
Whenever I see a Stop sign that someone has written "Hammertime" underneath on.

Also this b3ta.com/questions/guiltysecrets/post88860
Makes me laugh a lot.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 10:22, Reply)

NakedApe
that is ace, think I missed that the first time around!

if I could click it again, I would

edit: @Grammar Badger: couldn't agree more, that story makes me writhe with glee
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 10:24, Reply)

I've never had a badge before!

I don't really understand pooters!

I do far to much lurking these days, work just doesn't give me the time to put effort into replies, selfish bastards!

I may try and negotiate B3ta time into the contract at my next job.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 10:24, Reply)

Ape
You deserve a badge, that story is awesome!

I'm thinking:

QOTW Winners -
The Best of the Best Of.
( Cawl, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 10:29, Reply)

Best of the best

it sounds like a marines recruitment phrase, I like it!

Al your badge is lovely, but I think that this sort of thing should be stnaderdised across QOTW thus giving it the value that it deserves.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 10:34, Reply)

I'll make one tonight
It'll be more like a medal.
We're THAT awesome.
( Cawl, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 10:40, Reply)

i've been
yammering about this for a qotw for ages!

my favourites are the one about the old lady who shat herself at christmas dinner - it's the way it's phrased - and the one about the guy who bought a "beautiful loving black hamster" for his daughter.

1: My daughter's hamster

It's my daughter's 4th birthday and I go up to the posh bit of Enfield and buy a beautiful loving black hamster and a hamster cage.

The hamster comes in a cardboard box that I place on the seat of my car as I drive down to Hackney.

Well, it starts battering away at the sides of the box so I put the box into the footwell of the passenger seat.

I got home, went into the house with the cage and then returned to the car. The hamster had bitten a hole through it's box and as I'd left the car doors open had fucked off into the street.

Fuck. Anyways its only 4pm so I'll go to a Hackney pet shop and get a replacement hamster.

I get to the pet shop and ask for a hamster. "OK!" says the young lad who's underage working in the shop.

Anyway he shows me this golden hamster in it's cage. "OK that'll do!" I say. He opens the cage and grabs the hamster which does not move. "Oh err he must be sleeping! I'll see if there are any others!". The hamster in the cage is clearly dead. Anyway he gets me another hamster from the back of the shop. And this is a Hackney hamster. It's got attitude, an ASBO and wears a hoodie. It starts screaming away as it gets put into its cardboard box but I think fuck it I can't let my dear daughter down.

Anyway I install the hamster in its cage and then drive into middle of London to collect my daughter from nursery.

My daughter's birthday is in November so it's dark by now.

As Im travelling along I look in the rearview mirror and I see the original black hamster cleaning its paws on the rear parcel shelf. Fuck me. I thought I'd beeter catch it and put it back in its box otherwise my daughter might freak out in the car.

So I stop the car and then suddenly get an inordinate fear of being bitten by this hamster. So I put on a pair of big ski gloves that I had handy and began to try and catch this fucking hamster.

So there I am, on a dark evening, looking for a black hamster in a black-trimmed car with a pair of black gloves on. Fucking genius.

Anyway I caught it after 15 mins put it in ots own cardboard box, nested that box into the econd cardboard box and put the fucker in the boot.

Anyway I picked my daughter up and was travelling back to Hackney and got at attack of guilt. What if the poor hamster was suffocating? I could have that on my conscience even though I was secretly thinking of murdering the working class Hackney hamster.

So I opened the boot and fuck me the little bastard had chewed through both boxes and was free in the car. Fuck it I thought.

So I start driving again and sure enough the little fucker was on the parcel shel again loking straight at the mirror - and I swear it was smiling.

Anyway I screeched to a halt opemed the back door and the hamster shot off into Newington Green never to be seen again.

2 days later my daughter leaves the lid off the cage and the mad Hackney gangsta hamster escape and comes a ropper in a moustrap we had down.

So we replaced it with a pair of the wifes tights all rolled up and she was quite happy with that (she thought it was having a really long sleep) for a couple of weeks until we got a third hamster.

(tonyhrx)

2: A truly ancient female friend of the family used to join us for Xmas dinner every year, until what we have come to know as 'THE INCIDENT'.

It was obvious she was going off the rails quite early in the day, when she explained to my mum that she didn't want any turkey because her hairdresser had, earlier in the week, attempted to kill her by means of some unduly agitated brushing. She had since spoken to a doctor, she continued, who had explained that this vicious attack had given her water on the brain and, as a result, she should never eat poultry ever again. Obviously.

So we indulged her, but she got more and more peculiar as the day wore on. Things reached a peak, I feel, at about the point where she explained that the RAF were carrying out some form of black magic rituals in her garden, as proved by the small group of minuscule people, about six inches high, who had taken up residence on her windowsill.

By this stage she had clearly had one sherry too many - one sherry, in this case - as her next action, as we sat staring at each other and our shoes in a slightly awkward manner, was to shit herself and then panic quite badly. And let me tell you, there can't be much that puts more of a damper on your christmas evening than a demented and severely agitated old person shambling around the living room caked in shit.

(Wong Fei-Hung)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 10:41, Reply)

Blowing one's own trumpet
Ah, the Nelson Mandela story was mine. I saw the graffiti on a wall near DF Malan airport in Cape Town.

b3ta.com/questions/graffiti/post77950
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 19 Aug 2008, 11:01, Reply)

ooh ooh
This guy deserves a medal for the first photo which makes me laugh everytime I see it

b3ta.com/questions/diyfashion/post60387
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 14:14, Reply)

@TGB
I like this. Wouldn't it be great if there was somewhere people could post funny photos and pictures they've drawn so we could laugh and comment on them?

Oh... wait...
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 15:03, Reply)