where is Bert Sexmonkey?
where is he? who is hiding him?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 13:34, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

he is
sabotaging the LHC so the world does not end next wednesday.
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 13:38, Reply)

I've been informed that he is on holiday
I can't remember who told me though

chances are they have murdered him
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 13:38, Reply)

Or sabotaging the LHC
so that the world does end next Wednesday?

Maybe Bert has the knowledge to make it produce proper big black holes, which won't evaporate!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 13:42, Reply)

that will be
the weekend chat up line

"The world will end on Wednesday, fancy a shag?"
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 13:45, Reply)

do black holes evaporate, then?
like milk?

if they do, I would like some on this apple crumble, please.

*holds out bowl*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 13:46, Reply)

Who's Bert Sexmonkey?
Can't say as I've heard of him.
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 14:08, Reply)

Er...
He's on holiday.

End of discussion.

*frowns*
( Cawl, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 14:23, Reply)

on "holiday"
where?

how do you know he is not an internationl terrorist hunter and world saver extrodinaire?
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 14:25, Reply)

I said
He's on holiday.

Er...

Erm...

To Bolivia.

And he's not coming back.
He really liked it there.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 14:27, Reply)

see I almost believed you
until you used the words Bolivia and liked it there.
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 14:30, Reply)

I don't know
What you're talking about.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 14:31, Reply)

Hiiiiiiiiiiyaaaaaaaa!
NINJAS ON THE LOOSE!
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 14:36, Reply)

His mum and dad left him alone in their hotel room...

whilst they went swanning off for a meal.

I have already mounted a vigorous publicity offensive that draws public attention to his third pupil...and tiny penis.

I'm on GMTV tomorrow!

and I can assure you...the funds towards the 'Find Bert' campaign were just 'resting in my account'

*does Father Ted impression*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Sep 2008, 14:55, Reply)

Only microscopic black holes evaporate
The bigger ones, once they have a bit more mass, form hugely dense objects which trap even light.

Were the Earth compressed to the density of a black hole, it would fit easily in the palm of your hand. Not for very long though, as you'd be sucked beyond its event horizon and crushed very quickly.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 15:15, Reply)

Anyone else think
well, if the world's ending next Wednesday there's no point in cutting the grass is there?

No?

Just me, then.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 3 Sep 2008, 15:17, Reply)

Bert's fine
He's resting at present. Honest
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 15:22, Reply)

resting?
Was he attacked? *looks at Kaol*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 15:27, Reply)

That was
Two months ago!

I don't think he'll ever quite recover from that though...
( Cawl, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 15:30, Reply)

Like I said, he's fine
Now leave it alright...



















tinyurl.com/6owuhh

Not ilovehorses, I promise, just can't do html
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 15:36, Reply)

^Ah...
No matter how many times I see that, it never gets old. Legendary!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 15:42, Reply)

Now, you see I wonder if this is the reason he's left our sunny shores
He's worried someone else might eat him.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 16:42, Reply)