Geoff Capes scaled the walls of the £756,000 Sussex mansion with all the stealth of a gekko on a Mallorcan shower wall
As luck would have it the window was open. He dropped in and slipped out of his dungerees and let the cool air caress his distinguished greying beard.

The house was quiet. He looked into one room and saw the sleeping Peter Andre - without the wig and wax on his face he was rather beautiful. But Capes wasn't into arses. Not today.

He heard a noise coming from the bathroom. He ran along the landing, his giant budgie swinging in the air like Saddam on Youtube. He looked into the bathroom and saw a mad little f**ker, big as a barrel and blind as a bat leaping up and down in some boiling water.

"Capes!" said a voice behind him. "Stop looking at my son with your budgie out".

Capes slowly turned around and saw Katie Price in front of him - wearing nothing but a Juicy Couture camisole and the slightest glistening of her ample clunge.

As ever Capes' budgie became harder than the Guardian cryptic and proceeded to bang her tits off as Harvey ate a bag of Prawn Cocktail crisps from the floor that Capes had brought just in case.

Before Capes left he wiped his now dying budgie on Harvey's afro, bent down to the prone Jordan, who lay liked a painter's radio in the moonlight, and whispered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 22 Jul 2019, 16:30, 1 reply, 5 years ago)

I love this.

(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Mon 22 Jul 2019, 18:00, Reply)