Kneel before me
internet LOLFATTIES, for I am JMG.

I demand your attention because my mummy never gave me enough cuddles when I was little, but I am your SUPERIOR in every way.

Bow now, and behold the almighty Baldmonkey, you girlfriendless, socially-inept, never-leave-your-bedroom-at-your-mum's-house, lardy nerds*.

i.e. me
(Jam Mister Geordie wants to build bridges, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:15, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

who is baldmonkey?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:16, Reply)

I am six inches inside your colon
and you are four inches inside mine.

The circle of life is complete.

Take heed, internet.

*peels back mask*
psst, Vipros, it's me, Bert.
(Alopeciasimian Has a JMG up his arse, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:16, Reply)

LOOK! EVERYONE PAY ATTENTION NOW! JMG IS BEING VERY CLEVER

(GloriaHull you puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:17, Reply)

Yes
I am very clever, and important.

Like alzheimers.
(Jam Mister Geordie wants to build bridges, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:18, Reply)

@ JamRag Geordie
Don't you have any other jokes? You're rapidly becoming boring.

*yawns*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:19, Reply)

BUT THE GREAT THING ABOUT ALZHEIMERS IS THAT YOU FORGET IT'S THERE

(GloriaHull you puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:19, Reply)

BK
It's ME...

Bert

*slaps face*
(Jam Mister Geordie wants to build bridges, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:19, Reply)

Who said that?
I am far too important stuck up my own sphincter to listen to other people, but I do agree with all the world wide women.
(Jam Mister Geordie wants to build bridges, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:21, Reply)

Aha!
*facepalms*

Subtle Bert, Subtle!

How deliciously satirical:)
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:21, Reply)

I too was suckered
My sense of disappointment is palpable

_*giggles*
(GloriaHull you puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:22, Reply)

I am AMAZED
That you can spell satirical, BK, did you learn it from the dictionary in the library inside the metropolis of shite I inserted into your mother's urethra?

*winks*

Gloria, you silly bugger. I could never be as rubbish as the real JMG. WHO IS VERY IMPORTANT AND SPECIAL AND ADMIRED
(Jam Mister Geordie wants to build bridges, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:23, Reply)

T'is I, Le-Clerk


*_{Raises glasses.}*
(GloriaHull you puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:25, Reply)

Ah, Jam 'Mister' Geordie...

The lost participant in the 'Jam Geordie' Biological experiment.

'Mister' kept all the intelligence, good looks, sense of humour and social skills...

'Master' was the waste lump of putrid afterbirth that was lobbed into a wheelie bin and left to rot...before it wormed it's way out and found a PC on some council estate in Tyneside
(Jam Rasta Geordie JMG's Jamaican cousin, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:28, Reply)

Thank you, Tight Brown
Now KNEEL before the new, improved, better-looking and all-round superior in every single way, JMG.

DO IT NOW.
(Jam Mister Geordie wants to build bridges, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:30, Reply)

@ The Tight Brown
It's an uncanny impersonation isn't it?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:31, Reply)

I was on my knees as I typed...

For 'Mister' is glorious.

It's a shame that his family name is let down by the crumbling mass of wobbling, girl-agreeing, inept internet social commentating bag of gerbil-puke that his (almost) namesake is.
(Jam Rasta Geordie JMG's Jamaican cousin, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:36, Reply)

There now TTB
I am here to make the internets better, and soon JMG will be gone.
(Jam Mister Geordie wants to build bridges, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:39, Reply)

oh, you people

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:39, Reply)

ON THE INTERNET!
This amuses me greatly.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:41, Reply)

Don't feel left out, PsychoChomp
I'm sure that the only reason nobody has copied your own profile is just because nobody here has every actually paid any attention to anything you've ever said.

You fatty. I am your superior etc.
(Jam Mister Geordie wants to build bridges, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:43, Reply)

oh great Mister...
You should recruit your own internet followers.

I hear there are quite a few lacklustre, leaderless, purposeless, mindless sheep-like creatures on /talk who are just gagging to have someone to look up to.

You don't really have to do anything either - just say that you are great and follow it with phrases like 'FATLOLZ' and 'YOURMUM' and they'll be sniffing round your crotch like flies round shite
(Jam Rasta Geordie JMG's Jamaican cousin, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:43, Reply)

And if you've never contributed anything of substance to b3ta
you too can come to QOTW and troll at your betters.
(GloriaHull you puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:45, Reply)

You know what, TTB
that's not a bad idea.
(Jam Mister Geordie wants to build bridges, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:46, Reply)

If you do go on /talk mister
please at least get involved in any thread you start, or at least read the responses. Most seem to just post and run
(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:48, Reply)

You threw me for a moment then.
I have JMG on ignore and thought his superior mind and fascinating intellect had found out a way to surpass the ignore button.

Phew!
( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:55, Reply)

Who is JMG?

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:57, Reply)

JMG is a vast, vast man
he wears pantaloons, a sassy cravat (today's is pink with reindeer) and is VERY IMPORTANT.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 13:01, Reply)

Isn't everyone on /talk utter cunts
god I hate them they never reply to people who aren't in their cliche etc etc
(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 13:05, Reply)

Only when they come here and bitch
They don't like it up 'em.

If they want to contribute - you know, write something funny/witty/cathartic/etc then I welcome them with open arms.

If they're going to make wankers of themselves then they deserve all the shunning they get.
(GloriaHull you puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 13:07, Reply)

*returns from /talk*

*feels dirty*
(Jam Rasta Geordie JMG's Jamaican cousin, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 13:08, Reply)

Errrr
It's "clique" actually Psychochomp. And no-one really has a problem with the talk board, I spend quite a bit of time posting on it on occasion, but you never see regular QOTW posters going onto /talk and just trolling for no good reason do you?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 13:11, Reply)

That's like going over to France and pretending to be French though.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 14:15, Reply)

Psychochomp
Thats a lie!

They reply to ANYBODY albeit invariably "FUCK OFF" which is about as witty as it gets...
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 13:12, Reply)

Well this is, after all, a board of lies...

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 13:19, Reply)

IT'S ALL LIES IT NEVER HAPPENED!
That justfies a damn good troll
(GloriaHull you puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 13:20, Reply)

JMG deserves it.
By the way, who wants to watch me fuck a horse?
(Jam Master etc, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 13:25, Reply)

I do! I do!

It'd make a nice change to see you fucking the horse...it's usually the other way round and the horse is fucking you.
(Jam Rasta Geordie JMG's Jamaican cousin, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 13:30, Reply)

Pick me! Pick me!
I think you should cut its legs off and suspend it, blindfold, just a few feet over a tank of rabid piranha.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 13:31, Reply)

Why do I get the feeling
that only three people have actually replied to this thread but with multiple accounts.


And who is going to pay for all the psychoanalyst fees?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 14:59, Reply)

Ahhh....
chickenlady, I was JMG, and alopeciasimian, but other than that everybody else was themselves.

That X Factor song was about me you know.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 15:01, Reply)