erm...
some advice please

was all full of teh joy here the other day having bought some nice baubles for mrs spimf

anyone know anything about customs & excise on bringing trinkets into blighty - i have a UK passport but a UAE visa - plan to stay 2 weeks then her indoors becomes Florence of Arabia out here with me in the dustbowl.

dont want to pay tax
dont want to get a row for smuggling - i'm too pretty for prison - i would be currency in there

EDIT - having had ishouldavejoinedmyspace kindly reply - i should clarify, i mean jewellery
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 20:37, 54 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

We bought some from Disney in America
Just bunged 'em in the suitcase and all was fine. My mum might have had to explain that they were in there when checking the bags in but no more than that.
(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 20:59, Reply)

Disney?
i was trying to make light and not sound like a cock here but i'm talking 6 grands worth diamonds and sapphires

not a mickey & pluto watch
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 21:03, Reply)

You didnt mention that
I just thought you were worried about them being a comical 'bomb' shape.
(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 21:12, Reply)

Not sure if this is of any use to you?
customs.hmrc.gov.uk/channelsPortalWebApp/channelsPortalWebApp.portal?_nfpb=true&_pageLabel=pageTravel_ShowContent&id=HMCE_PROD_010220&propertyType=document

Might be worth leaving them at home til she comes out there, just to be on the safe side.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 21:15, Reply)

@ my space oh i get it you thought i meant christmas tree baubles
haha!

yes its a replica hand grenade actually

yes i am a riot!

"lie down on the floor? but i'm not even tired, and could you please point that elsewhere, its very rude"

;-D
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 21:17, Reply)

@No3L
well they are kinda engagement and crimbo prezzies - we met on christmas eve and got, engaged and then married on christmas eve - not the same one - that would be silly
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 21:18, Reply)

Bring £300 worth
to celebrate the anniversary, keeping within the allowance, then keep the rest back for a surprise when she arrives :) This is all based on the idea that some form of tax will be due on the gemstones. You could always ask for advice at the consulate :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 21:49, Reply)

^
erm thats not really going to be possible

i have some nice diamond and sapphire earings that, well one would exceed the 300 quid mark.


the diamond eternity is worth quite a bit more

ive worked out the excise it would be around 600 quid - not sure about duty. i guess i'll leave the boxes they came in and the certification here - chuck the rocks in my laptop bag and hope for the best, not really much else i can do

but thanks very much for your help and advice

fingers crossed


does beg the question though - when do they become property - i mean mrs spimf is obviously not going to have this crap ever time she flies
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 22:40, Reply)

You could just wear them? :)

(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 22:43, Reply)

Can you not just wear 'em yourself?
And pretend they're family heirlooms?

EDIT: Fuckin' hell!
Get out of my brain!
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 22:44, Reply)

tehehe
*Rummages around*


....You dirty man, you!
(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 22:48, Reply)

i dont really think diamond and sapphire earings would go unoticed..
on a short stocky scotsman

and the ring only fits on my first knuckle on my pinkie (thats how i know her size - sneaked her engagement ring on there)

so i'd look like dr evil in drag
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 22:48, Reply)

allow me.
Dear Sir, I am a rich Nigerian Prince who would only be too happy to help.

Simply mail me the jewels (beautiful beautiful jewels, mwaa-haaa ha!) to my luxory palace and I will use my diplomatic immuntiy to send the goods forward.

Please send me complete access to your bank account as a sign of good faith.

Prince Fukualot
(bugboybeast, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 22:48, Reply)

aw thanks man
bank details:

Norbert Fuckwit

Royal Bank Of Sausage

ac no 293412497309723

sort code

99 99 99
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 22:50, Reply)

Myspace...
You have no idea :(
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 22:50, Reply)

Only one thing for it..
Up the bum!!!

If you get stopped for being a suspected drug smuggler it could become an even more painful affair.

Can you carry them in hand luggage with a reciept or would that just be too damn simple for the authorities?
(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 22:53, Reply)

*sniggers!*

*rubs hands together*

*waits for opening of local Post Office*
(bugboybeast, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 22:55, Reply)

@space have been doing research
receipt: good in as much as i haggle like a muther fucker so got a huge discount

bad as in it would alert them to how fucking exepensive they were and allow them to calculate the duty

around 600 quid min

:(
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 22:55, Reply)

seriously
do you know (and trust obviuosly) a lady with appropriate finger sizes who could travel with you as your partner.

You'd only be paying for an extra ticket.
(bugboybeast, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 22:57, Reply)

which is 650 quid
so 50 quid more than the bleeding duty...

and if i had a dainty fingered lady friend i could play mummies and daddies with i'd be jetting off to somewhere pleasant with her to play hide the ring

arf!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 22:59, Reply)

hmm
I bet loads of ladies travel through with more jewellery than that though.

Its a shame you're of the male persuasion
If only there was a way......
(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:01, Reply)

righto
i'll lop me cock off then

sorted
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:02, Reply)

I was thinking
pack a dress and pretend you're a cross-dressing cabaret act.

But your idea could work too..
(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:04, Reply)

Hahaha!
That's fucking great!

Could you put 'em in your mouth? Just while you go through customs?
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:06, Reply)

cabaret
well i could probably manage a few stand up gags but i'm not much of a singer

magics out cos they wont let me take doves on the plane

knife throwing would get the straights in right lather at the terminal

fuck it i'll get her a terrys chocolate orange and she can fucking like it
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:07, Reply)

Brilliant
Now you sound like a real man!
(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:11, Reply)

what? in me dress...
with a bleeding stump where my cock was with earings up my arse! and doves flapping around my fucking head.

veritable sean bastard connery
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:13, Reply)

Nope..
Buying your missus a chocolate orange for christmas.

Or maybe Ive been in a relationship with the wrong person.
(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:15, Reply)

maybe i could put the chocolate orange up her arse
that would brighten up boxing day no end
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:17, Reply)

Awh, Myspace,
It certainly sounds like you have been...

I'd get you at least one bottle of a favourite spirit, and two chocolate oranges.
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:18, Reply)

you honestly think she could accomodate TWO
blimey
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:19, Reply)

Hey, you said it, not me.
And I'm not even gonna mention the vodka-bottle.

*twitches*
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:20, Reply)

Probably the best present ever..
Was for my birthday off the former object of my affection..

A mini bottle of wine, a chcolate bar he knicked off someone from work and a card saying 'Top Bloke'

No, we're not together anymore

EDIT: You're gonna have to give me 'til at least New Years Eve to prepare myself
(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:21, Reply)

*sidles up to my space*
Sho my dear - do you like diamondsh?
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:22, Reply)

I like them even more
With the Sean Connery impression
(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:25, Reply)

3rd of jan i fly back
and thats stretching it

hahahahahahahahahah

god i'm funny
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:25, Reply)

but of coursh you do my dear
shall I tap and unwrap?

*chinks martini glasses*
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:28, Reply)

It means you've got plenty of time
har har

*gulp*
(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:28, Reply)

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=The%20Silent%20Duck
!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:29, Reply)

right i'm off to buy a moo moo, some doves and some crap confectionary
keep yer eye on the 'and finally' spot on news at ten

;D
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:31, Reply)

Good luck
Spimfy, I'm sure you'll make a wonderful wife for someone, you come with a ring and everything!
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:32, Reply)

To threaten an enemy?
And I thought this was all good natured fun...

I no longer feel comfortable in the situation.
(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:32, Reply)

Well, he's gone now...
*offers segment of chocolate orange*
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:34, Reply)

I can handle a segement..
:)
(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:37, Reply)

Er...
I meant to eat, but whatever floats your boat, I guess...
:|
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:39, Reply)

How dare you..
I meant Im not hungry is all.

Ive seen what goes on in your mind!
(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:41, Reply)

no the first meaning
i wouldnt threaten ya

just trying to help you work up to a brace of yorks finest
anyhoo

laters taters
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:42, Reply)

I'm afraid to say
That you've only scraped the surface...

It gets much, much darker than that.
Torch?

EDIT: Oh, my favourite Scottish jewel-smuggling tranny isn't gone after all!
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:43, Reply)

This sounds like a job for my trusty floodlight
I'll just fetch my canary

EDIT: byee
(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:45, Reply)

*sighs*
It always ends up with caged birds.
No matter where I go, or what I do, a caged bird always ends up being involved in some capacity.
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:48, Reply)

...
I wondered why my nanas budgie went
(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:50, Reply)

*burps feathers*
Er... I was yawning, it flew in.
Sorry.
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:52, Reply)

Thats the 5th one this year!
And on that note, its waaay past my bedtime.

Nightly
(i should have joined myspace, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:54, Reply)

Yeah, I'm sorry...
Well, goodnight!

*looks at clock*

I've got two more hours.
Night!
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:55, Reply)