Stupid complaint letters...
I know there is a trend for people writing bizarre complaint letters etc to companies to see what they can get for free (see newsletter recently), I am genuinely disgruntled about something in M&S and have written to them this letter:

Dear Sir/Madam,

I have been using the M&S in the centre of Oxford freqently to buy my lunch. When the bargain meal deal came out, I was over the moon. The opportunity to eat delicious M&S branded food, at a reasonable price was a steal! I used to buy these lunches, and follow them up with a 20p chocolate bar, the same quality as the bars that they were copying, but much cheaper, I liked the Snickers style bar most. My lunch used to cost me a whole £2.20, a real bargain.

But picture this, I went into my local M&S last week only to find that the chocolate bars had gone up to 35p, that is a whole 75% increase in price! I could not believe my eyes when I saw this, and decided not to buy it. I relayed this story to my work colleagues, and they all agreed, that the price hike was not fair, and way above the RPI index, and inflation.

To buy an own-brand M&S chocolate bar, is now twice the price of a Cadbury's Freddo bar, the real competition. In fact, I can buy a Freddo bar and a Cadbury's Dairy Milk mini bar, for the same price as one M&S own-brand bar!

In these times of the credit crunch, I really think it is not on for a company such as yourselves to hike the price of chocolate by so much. I have stopped buying your chocolate bars, and have switched to Freddos.

Kind Regards,

Jimmy Doodah

Does anyone reckon I actually stand a chance of getting anything for free, or have I just wasted my time?
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 12:34, 10 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

FATT-EHHHHHHHHHH.......!!!!!

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 12:36, Reply)

When I was in High School
We done a whole lot of these faux-offended letters.

The one that started it all was when I bought some Smiths EXTREME Salt and Vinegar which tasted identical to the standard SnV. I tore a page from my Maths jotter, scribbled down my disgust and stuck it in the post with a stamp crudely stuck to the back - no envelope or nuttin'!

They sent back a voucher for 2 multipacks - absolutely delighted!

Although it did get out of hand when someone ripped the mouth-piece of a Coke can and claimed it came out of the machine like that. Coca-Cola actually sent us enough vouchers for 12 2.5 litre bottles. A good laugh at the time but defrauding the system slightly...
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 12:39, Reply)

I haven't had a Freddo for years.
To the shop!!!
(Milo Minderbinder, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 12:41, Reply)

@ Senor Monkeysex
Well... Not really, hence eating the small bars instead of deepfried Kitkat chunkies, smothered in cream.
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 12:43, Reply)

Then why would you care about the price?
Unless you're ordering them in bulk?

*scoffs pie, then cake*

*breathes heavily*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 12:44, Reply)

Bored one day at Uni
One of my flatmates, who has a pathalogical (sp?) fear or being bored on a Sunday, set us a challenge: Pick a random product from the cupboard and write to their complaints dept to tell them how GREAT their product was.

Got us lots of free stuff.

I got a "lifecycle of corn" (That's "CORN") calendar for telling Kellogs how wonderful cornflakes are, though asking if they could consider individually wrapping them to maintain that "New Box Freshness" all the way down.

Nice.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 12:48, Reply)

I wish this sort of thing was taken more seriously
I'd like a tax rebate every time I wrote to my MP to complain about something boneheaded that the government does.

*edit* Hang on a minute... They'd end up owing me tax.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Apr 2009, 12:51, Reply)

You haven't just wasted your time.
You've wasted mine as well.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 12:58, Reply)

Here's one I sent last week
I've not heard back yet...

From: Noel
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 2009 19:53:02 +0030
Subject: Boots pharmacyfeedback.com
To: [email protected]

Hi,

I visited pharmacyfeedback.com today after recieving an invitation to
answer the Boots survey.

I visited using Opera Mini on my phone. While the site loaded fine and
looked ok. Upon entering my store reference number, the page reloads
and clears the form field, not giving me a chance to hit 'Submit' and
send the form manually.

I don't normally email people when I have a problem but this one's
unique - Opera Mini capably handles most Javascript form functions
most of the time. I so rarely have problems submitting forms, and I
use Opera Mini A LOT :)

I don't have a desktop internet connection and I'd quite like a shot
at one of those prizes. With a thousand pounds, I could fulfil my
dream and finally get my VW Campervan full of midgets.

I wondered if someone there would mind having a quick look at the
script. If it's fixed, anyone using Opera Mini would be able to absorb
your glorious marketing.

With thanks

Noel
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 13:11, Reply)

For me,
the only non-shit thing about the OP is that I now have Jimmy Jimmy by the Undertones playing in my head.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 13:29, Reply)