Good news for self-diagnosers!
news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8020837.stm
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 12:13, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have swine flu.
Stay away.

I tried to convince my boss I had swine flu, too, but he was buying none of it. Then said I'd already given it to him so it was too late, and I'd better just deal with it at work. Rubbish.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 12:17, Reply)

The swine!
If I were you, I'd make sure to make a pigs ear of anything he asked me to do. Sure he'll make you trot home in no time.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 12:33, Reply)

Pork-id (poor kid)
I hope you gave him a ribbing, and I'm sure you'll be bacon your feet again soon.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 12:46, Reply)

Oh god
you've all turned into my dad!
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 12:48, Reply)

Swine flu, you say?
You need to rub some oinkment on.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Apr 2009, 12:48, Reply)

Yay!
Nice one DG, best yet.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 12:49, Reply)

Just thought I'd drop that one in
However, I don't have the monopoly on swine-related puns so didn't want to hog the whole thread....
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Apr 2009, 12:51, Reply)

You're sow much better at this than I am

(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 12:52, Reply)

Yeah, but
it could get boar-ing very quickly.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Apr 2009, 12:53, Reply)

This is starting to get
sow-er.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 12:54, Reply)

Time to give it the chop?
Too subtle?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Apr 2009, 12:56, Reply)

Nothing's too subtle for this joint

(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:01, Reply)

That's true
But I think I'll have to trotter off now...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:02, Reply)

Gammon Davros
Don't give up yet.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:04, Reply)

Don't go!
There's-nout to do around here without you.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:04, Reply)

I'm allergic to pork puns
Scratching, scratching scratching.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:05, Reply)

You're really hamming it up now

(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:07, Reply)

*Groan*
Much as this exchange of puns has been crackling good fun, I have to do some work.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:07, Reply)

Pork off then, you naughty little sausage

(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:09, Reply)

It's a very Poor Scene
this.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:14, Reply)

Only if you're a pot-bellied
brown-noser with a penchant for rolling in shit.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:16, Reply)

I'm off then
not with a banger, more of a whimper.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:16, Reply)

Typical
Drops a couple in and runs off before we can roast him...
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:19, Reply)

Who, me?
I'm not one to stymie creative use of the English language, so keep it going, chaps.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:21, Reply)

Hmm
This thread appears to be porked.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:35, Reply)

Is a dose of the trots
a symptom of swine flu?
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:35, Reply)

I don't know anything about this
'snout to do with me.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:38, Reply)

You guys!
You've made me as happy as a pig in shit.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:42, Reply)

OK, enough already, guys
It's not pig and it's not cleaver.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:58, Reply)

Hooray!
No3l's dropped in for a butcher's :-)
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:04, Reply)