I am incapable of writing a non-satirical children's story.
I am not suitable for children at all.

You do know, of course, that I will hold you to that!
( Maladicta, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:53, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Well you haven't specified a time frame
So conceivably, I could come up at any time. I think we'd be better for seeing your efforts at a childrens story.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:55, Reply)

So theoretically
I could be at work and A WILD POT APPEARS? I like. I insist this happens as soon as possible for great justice and for me to go to Canterbury which I love doing and don't do often enough!

Maladicta's Children's Story

Once upon a time there was a pig. It was a singing pig that lived in the magical forest of Bum ...

no, it's no good, I'm already giggling...
( Maladicta, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:57, Reply)

Carry on!
I was enjoying that :D
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:06, Reply)

The word 'bum' kind of broke my flow a bit since it makes me giggle.
I'm so mature...

--

The singing pig who lived in the forest of Bum enjoyed belming at passers by in a way that only a pig can*. His other hobbies enjoyed painting his trotters gold and watching Countdown.

* I have no idea how a pig belms.
( Maladicta, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:08, Reply)

You people are weird
I'm going to play with the snake you weridos
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:10, Reply)

There needs to be a snake in this story
Preferably wearing velvet pants.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:14, Reply)

Snakes don't have legs though
so it would be like a velvet... sleeve.
( Maladicta, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:19, Reply)

With sequins?
Please say with sequins!
AND a pimp cane!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:35, Reply)

And a pimp hat!
The pimp snake shall be in the story!
( Maladicta, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:38, Reply)

*claps*
What was his name?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:14, Reply)

Cuntybollocks.

( Maladicta, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:19, Reply)

This would sells millions
As a children's story.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:23, Reply)

My original idea was to write teh pronz as a side earner to work.
I may have to extend this to writing in general!
( Maladicta, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:25, Reply)

I would definately buy this book.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:33, Reply)

That'll be £20,000 please.

( Maladicta, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:38, Reply)

Half now,
Half when someone buys the film rights.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:42, Reply)

Less admin fee, less labour,
less chocolate and lemonade involved to keep my sugar rush going.
( Maladicta, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:48, Reply)

Done!
Provided you keep his name as cuntybollocks.


Right. I'm off to bed up stupidly early for work in the morning, and knackered from last night's excitement.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:54, Reply)

Consider it done.
Am watching Crank with flatmate as well as being on here, not the best inspiration!

Night :)
( Maladicta, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:55, Reply)