Mythbusters just cut a pig in half.
That got me thinking. I would punch a Dolphin on the nose, I'd tweak a Moose's balls, and I'd kick a Woodpecker. But if I was going to cut one animal in half, using a forklift and a steel cable, it'd be a Pelican. Lengthways.

This stems from when a Pelican hit me in the head when I was 10. Revenge is sweet. So, what gross acts did an animal do to you, and how on earth will you get your revenge? Or you could just say what animal you would like to cut in half.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:20, 82 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You'd kick a woodpecker, but you wouldn't defend a chicken. HARSH CRUEL BOY
Well today a dog sprayed haemorrhagic diarrhoea (bloody poo for the plebs) all over my trousers and then vomited on my top. I didn't mind in the slightest however since I was given my new uniform today and I'm not too keen on it, so I was able to clean up and change back into comfy scrubs again.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:27, Reply)

If a dog vomited and shat on me I swear I'd think it was als mum come over again.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:30, Reply)

especially
if she started licking it off afterwards
( djtrialprice, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:31, Reply)

No, that'd be YM Djtrialprice

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:35, Reply)

Don't be nasty to djtrailprice
he's just upset that he doesn't have long girly hair anymore.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:38, Reply)

NO WAI
POIDH
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:40, Reply)

He doesn't?
*deflates*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:41, Reply)

He still looks
quite sexy though
(Bazongaloid, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:42, Reply)

*reflates*

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:42, Reply)

I love you al
*hugs*
( djtrialprice, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:43, Reply)

Indeed I have no more girly hair
:(

al and TGB were the only takers in my POIDH amnesty.

You'll have to wait for a bash to see my all new manly hair.
( djtrialprice, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:42, Reply)

Oh bugger off, I said POIDH
dammit
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:46, Reply)

I don't know
You were particulary nasty about MM
( djtrialprice, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:48, Reply)

Madam Marlboro?
Never, she is a goddess
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:48, Reply)

And don't think I didn't notice that hogmanay pic
of me in a kilt ended up on a transexual fetish site
( djtrialprice, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:48, Reply)

Pfft, don't know what you're talking about
Must be some other chick you gazzed it to ,)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:49, Reply)

Bah
I really do have a reputation as a manwhore round here don't I?

*sulks*
( djtrialprice, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:50, Reply)

I think you have great integrity.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:51, Reply)

cheers mate
promise I won't tell anyone about that thing you love
( djtrialprice, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:54, Reply)

Do you? I actually wasn't aware of that
Laughs and points at the manwhore
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:53, Reply)

I think I'll remind you of that when you finally get a puppy :)
Edit: Or have kids
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:32, Reply)

My puppy will be specially bred so that it has neither an anus or a mouth.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:32, Reply)

My kids will be specially engineered so that they have neither anuses or a mouths.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:33, Reply)

I'm not sure what to say to that
Erm...made in Danishland?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:36, Reply)

I'll just make 'em out of lego.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:36, Reply)

As a dane
you will make them out of BACON.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:38, Reply)

As a Dane
I will raise them to PILLAGE EUROPE!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:39, Reply)

But they can't shit or vomit on anyone in the process
Not much pillage satisfaction going on there
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:41, Reply)

They will pillage using the medium of looking fantastic darling in kilts and socks.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:43, Reply)

^FUCKING YES.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:44, Reply)

I can't believe your missing our DiT wearing a skirt and knee length socks
WHEN HE ISN'T EVEN SCOTTISH!11!!!
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:47, Reply)

Och aye the noo.
Kilts are part of the Danish heritage, though. Danes introduced the Kilt in to Scotland. Kilt is a Danish word.


and I like wearing skirts in public
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:48, Reply)

Is that like The Danish Invented Everything and you can use bacon as a cureall for everything?
I've still never seen you wearing bloody tights. Most disappointing Tightly
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:54, Reply)

Yes.
I once cut both my legs off, but a slathering of bacon and bang-o, good as new!

Also, will knee high socks do?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:58, Reply)

No they cunting well wont do.
Its tights or suspenders or chopping your legs off again.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:00, Reply)

Alright.
Fine. Next bash, tights are ON. Be prepared to control your womanly urges.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:02, Reply)

So er Saturday then
Hope it's not too hot as the gusset can get a bit moist
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:05, Reply)

I'll go for a large fishnet
for extra air flow.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:08, Reply)

Good plan
I may do the same
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:09, Reply)

Well I for one
am doubly excited about the weekend now
( djtrialprice, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:09, Reply)

Are you going to the Land of Stortford then?
Or just a smutty walk round a grot shop?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:12, Reply)

I don't know yet
I'm waiting for orders.

But a visit to the Gentlemans' Literature Emporium is always on the cards.
( djtrialprice, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:15, Reply)

Standby.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:46, Reply)

Sorry, I didn't see this
Tis at a pub somewhere in Bishop's Stortford. I know not the name of it
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:49, Reply)

blasphemy
Kilts were invented in Scotland in 1913 by Liam Neeson. Or something.
( djtrialprice, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:58, Reply)

Blas-fer-you!
Blas for everybody in the room!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:59, Reply)

Indeværende er al nærmest sjov ikke sandt?
I have spoken
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:02, Reply)

Jeg vil sige det.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:07, Reply)

vi er legion

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:11, Reply)

Vi er mestre. Vi er frygt og afsky.
Resistens er nytteløs.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:13, Reply)

I like kittums.
Hello :)
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:17, Reply)

Ello love, how's you?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:25, Reply)

I is good, ta.
Knackered, but good. Yourself?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:49, Reply)

Same
Need to get to bed soon, early start AGAIN tomorrow.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:55, Reply)

Me too
*sadfaces*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:56, Reply)

JEG kan ikke lide renhed , JEG kan ikke lide godhed , JEG lad være savn evne hen til

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:25, Reply)

Men killinger gør os lykkelige, og vi har været kendt for at gennemsøge internettet søger billeder af søde dyr gør dumme ting.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:28, Reply)

Babelfish doesn't like that
Something about kittens and deathsquads by Octopus right?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:31, Reply)

...
However, kittens make us happy, and we have been known to scour the internet seeking pictures of cute animals doing silly things.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:36, Reply)

I prefer my version
Octopus deathsquads FTMFW
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:43, Reply)

Curses!
There's always one fatal flaw in my plan! OK, there will be mouths and anuses. But I will wear a large vomit/poo guard at all times.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:43, Reply)

It wont work
seepage always happens. You're gonna smell of pooooooooooooooooooo
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:48, Reply)

Well, at least you'll have someone to sit with when you go out.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:49, Reply)

Pfft, I wash. I just usually forget to defurr before I go out

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:58, Reply)

I would cut a Captain V in half lengthways
Just to see what noise it would make.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:39, Reply)

Probably something like a strangled kitten.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:40, Reply)

Or an asthmatic rodent

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:41, Reply)

Spartans Vs. Ninjas on Bravo.
This is quality programming.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:11, Reply)

Ha, you pay for sky
FOOL
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:12, Reply)

I do.
But I don't care.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:13, Reply)

But you're paying for hundreds of channels of shit
paying for a tv license is bad enough, but you had to take it one step further.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:27, Reply)

Am I being judged here?
There's very little sport on terrestrial, and I like the movie channels. So what?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:29, Reply)

I'm judging you HARD.
I had sky for 5 years and really fail to see how I managed to justify having it when I watched utter shit for so long. I now rarely watch tv and mostly watch things online instead.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:34, Reply)

Well, I've never had sky before, and I watch a lot of sport so I don't really mind.
It is HD though. I am prepared to be judged for that.

Just bear in mind that I have never judged you, and you judge me all the time about my technology choices. :(
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:37, Reply)

Oh don't you get me started on your macfanboy status
Don't even go there Tightly ,)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:44, Reply)

My money on the Spartans
for encouraging homosexual relationships between soldiers for unbreakable camaraderie.
( monkeybananaraffle, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:16, Reply)

Ha
They haven't covered the gayness yet.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:20, Reply)

Err...
What the fuck have I stumbled onto? It's like some kind of deviant slicing, dicing, putting animals in kilts dating site or summat.

Oh, everyone on this thread missed a fantastic bash on Saturday. So there.

Except maybe V; is he on here somewhere? I has has wine and may have missed him on account of his being so small.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:15, Reply)

I missed it, and I've cried hot salty tears over that.
:(
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:20, Reply)

You need a dog to lick them for you
Oh wait, it'd need a tongue and a mouth then though :p
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:26, Reply)

So you should.
It was awesome. And having ten b3tans sharing a two bedroom flat worked surprisingly well :)
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:50, Reply)

A goose stole my car keys once
luckily my car was so shit you could open the doors with a coin and start it with a screwdriver.

But that fucking goose is going to get it one day.
( Peej, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 10:22, Reply)