Oh Roots - nice one.

( thealternativefact, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 11:44, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Ta hun
I've been having a lot of mallard-related debate recently. Several people had told me I was wrong to refer to the duck that attacked us in Chester Zoo as a 'female Mallard'. "A mallard is a male." they said. Well I checked, and you DO have a Mallard drake and a Mallard hen. So I've posted this to their facefooks with a hefty slice of "Nuur!" because I'm always wrong about stuff, but this time I'm right.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 11:48, Reply)

Find something more constructive to do with your time, for the love of God!

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 11:50, Reply)

The alternative would be work
and I don't want to do it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 11:52, Reply)

I can see the dilemma there
have you considered dole?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 11:52, Reply)

It's not as easy or as lucrative as it once was.
Disability Living Allowance is the way forward.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 11:54, Reply)

Want me to break your legs/spine?
Or would you rather catch a mental illness?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 11:54, Reply)

I think the mental illness would be easier
I suspect I'm quite susceptible. There's a lot of it on my Nana's side of the family.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 11:57, Reply)

Go round to her house
and lick her until you come down with it yourself.

EDIT unless she's dead, in which case the licking may be less tasty, but more likely to get you the disability benefit
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 11:58, Reply)

She's alive
I'll give it a go. Not fussy on the taste of perm lotion though.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 12:00, Reply)

Add Talcum powder to taste

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 12:03, Reply)

Mmmm, Parma Violets...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 12:04, Reply)

Man, they're sexy
I wish I had some now, but like big ones, Parma Violets the size of dinner plates, imagine that... cor, I've messed my trousers again.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 12:06, Reply)