...and Holly Willoughby and that irritating mong Fearne Cotton
Get a proper name, you mong-nosed hobo toucher
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:35, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Ah, yes
Two presenters who are both quite nice to look at.

And then they open their mouths...

...and you can feel it shrivelling in your hand.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:37, Reply)

Good god no
one of them has a nose like a club foot, and the other has a spazzy mouth you wouldn't want to put your balls anywhere near.

I'm the fussy sort
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:44, Reply)

Hey, hey
my flatmates refuse to split the cost of pay-per-view pr0n channels and we've got no interweb connection at home just yet. I'm making the best of what I can get...perhaps I should go fishing again...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:47, Reply)

You're right, TV is sadly lacking attractive women these days
what's happened to them all? Are they all on the internet pretending to be sweaty lummoxes?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:49, Reply)

I wish I could say that I was an attractive woman
and was simply masquerading as a sweaty lummox on the interweb for the fun of winding people up.

I wish.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:56, Reply)

*adjusts tie*
Well, hello there you gorgeous young thing

*brushes dust off your shoulders and begins stroking your hair neck and face*

*raises eyebrow*

How about it?

*extends crotch*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:58, Reply)

Well, as long as you're not put off by my stubble...
*gobbles*
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:02, Reply)

Sometimes my Mrs has a stubbly snatch
so when I'm going down on her I have to pretend I'm snogging my step dad.

Blech
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:04, Reply)

That Melissa Porter used to be fit
But I've gone off her. It's all an act.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:57, Reply)

I just looked her up
and I STILL don't know who she is
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:59, Reply)

She's going to end up like Jayne McDonald if she's not careful

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:07, Reply)

But who is she?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:08, Reply)

She does property shows and that
and her personal website smacks of "single and desperate".
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:10, Reply)

I saw the website
it really does scream 'my ovaries are still working! -somebody impregnate me before I go menopausal'

But I still don't know of any shows she's done
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:12, Reply)

Get a New Life
Escape to the Country
Can't remember anything else. I also thought she was from the midlands, but she's not. She's so fake.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:17, Reply)