My mum loves Christmas
When I was a nipper I really loved my sleep and so does my dad. We'd be awoken at about FIVE am by my mother roaring "Roota!! Do you think he's been????" (He being Father Christmas) I'd more often say "No not yet, I haven't heard sleigh-bells..." just so I could get a bit more sleep.

Eventually I'd give in and we'd begin waking Dad, who'd had 'a few' the night before. "Fifteen more minutes!" he'd beg. SO mum would go off, cut up an orange, and start stuffing wedges into his mouth. "Come on Chris, this'll sort your hangover. The baby wants to open her presents!" (The 'baby' would be standing bleary eyed, wobbling on my foal-like morning legs wishing I was still in bed)

Then "I know, ROOTA, MAKE YOUR DAD A COFFEE!" While I'd be making the coffee, he'd stumble into the living room in his grundies, pointing the camera at the tree going "Ok ok, SMILE ROOTA!" even though I wasn't there. Then I'd come in, smile in front of the tree, open a few gifts, and give my dad permission to sit down. At which point he'd sigh and say sadly "It's my fucking birthday... can I have a lager please mate?" and I'd get the poor man a lager while Mum did a Mary Poppins at nobody in particular.

Christmas morning as still like that, but with MOAR hangovers.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:57, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is it really his birthday?
Or is he an alcoholic?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:03, Reply)

It is actually the poor fucker's birthday
When I was 11 he finally got the balls to stop the church thing too.
Hw whined to my mum "It's my fucking birthday, we never go to church and the one day you make us go is my fucking birthday. I hate it, our Roota hates it, and YOU even hate it, so tell your mother we're not doing it any more."
One of the best days of my life.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:09, Reply)

I think I wanna get adopted by your family.
It sounds like fun.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:12, Reply)

They're like a really bad northern sit-com
Or a really ground-breaking documentary.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:13, Reply)

The Roota Family
A cross between The Royle Family and The Addams Family.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:31, Reply)

Exactamundo
Someone always goes "diddle dee dee *click click*" when there's a group photo...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:37, Reply)

you're a marvellous storyteller

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:36, Reply)

Well coming from you, that's ace!
Commence the mutual back-slapping
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:41, Reply)

*slaps back*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 12:05, Reply)