Christmas traditions
This year is the first year in living memory I'll have daughter with me on Christmas morning. She's always come to me either late Christmas day or early Boxing Day so I've never had the chance to establish any Christmas traditions.

What traditions and rituals do you have for Christmas? Any standing jokes? Does Uncle Barry always get too pissed? Did you always, without fail, get chocolate gold coins and a satsuma in your stocking?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:11, 68 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

One thing I'll definitely be doing
is inspired by muslims at Eid who get new clothes on the morning of the celebration, so I'll buy her a new outfit to wear for our visits on Christmas day.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:13, Reply)

Ooh that's a scouse thing too
Or possibly Catholic. My family are both so I'm not sure which one influences the clothes thing. We do it for Easter and every bank holiday too. No wonder we turn to crime. It's expensive...

But yes, she will love the new outfit and the visitors will love making her turn round lots of times to they can see it properly.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:44, Reply)

I'm not buying her a track suit!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:07, Reply)

Fuck off!!
You have to buy her garishly coloured Oilily clothing that you've been paying into a 'club' for all year round. if you forgot to do that then you'll have to 'fiddle the lecky' and buy her clothes with the money you save.

EDIT: or pawn your sovereign rings.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:15, Reply)

always got chocolate money, pants, socks, book, toothbrush and some random tat in a stocking
it was great

best tradition is that my mum cooks a big ham on Christmas Eve, and then we eat it on toast for breakfast on Christmas Day. mmmm, ham.

then it's irish coffees, and present opening
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:14, Reply)

My family are vegetarians :(
Don't get me started. A Christmas ham sounds like a good idea.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:17, Reply)

much better than a turkey
but we get that too :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:23, Reply)

^ it certainly is
This year we're at my sister's - her husband has been on Masterchef and is doing beef. Yay!

Double yay for his 150k wine collection - it won't be worth that by Boxing Day, poor sod.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:27, Reply)

that sounds excellent
I'm at Mrs V's sister's with her family. Sister is due to fire out second sprog on the 27th, so might be interesting...

does mean the food isn't going to be anywhere near as good as my mum's cooking though. However, I am in charge of gravy, so as long as I get enough juice from the turkey I'll be able to make something awesome.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:29, Reply)

I've only ever had turkey once.
I've only been eating meat for five years. The only time I had it I was pretty mashed and it was cooked over an open fire in a stir-fry by travellers outside their horse-drawn caravan. That was an experience.

I just want to say only again. Only.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:29, Reply)

people complain about it being dry and stuff
but I think that is because they can't cook. a well cooked, decent turkey can be pretty delicious, but it's mainly good for the stuffing, the sausagemeat stuffing, bread sauce, cranberry sauce and gravy that go with it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:31, Reply)

See, that sounds like you need to tart it up to make it good.
Like tofu. It's only good if it's been marinated for a week in soy, chili and ginger and served on a bed of shaved parmasean, winter leaves and thin slices of rare topside beef.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:34, Reply)

The best way to cook a turkey
is to remove the legs and cook them separately - it spoils the look but is the best way to retain moistness in the breast whilst thoroughly cooking the legs.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:36, Reply)

that is pretty much the case
it is nice on it's own, but the accessories do complete it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:39, Reply)

we always have a fry up for breakfast here. The works.
and we always open presents in our pj's. It doesn't matter that my dad's almost 63 - he still opens his presents in his striped blue pj's and red dressing gown.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:18, Reply)

A fry-up is a good idea.
Not sure I could be bothered with all the faffing and washing up though.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:21, Reply)

Get a dishwasher for Xmas,
you'll never look back.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:25, Reply)

or a Polish maid.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:27, Reply)

or a Polish co-worker

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:29, Reply)

a nice bit of 'spit and Polish'
is not to be sniffed at.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:39, Reply)

For the past 20 years
my brother and I have taken it in turns to behave disgracefully and upset our long-suffering mother. This usually happens on Christmas Eve when we'd go into the town centre and inevitably end up seeing folks we haven't seen for a year and got drunk.

One year we were so hammered I remembered I had some coke in my room and my brother ran the gauntlet to get it. He was frog-marched into the sitting room to greet my grandmother, all the while protesting that it wasn't a good idea. He then practically collapsed in front of her and was chased off down the drive by our mother, genuinely brandishing a rolling pin.

Another year I threw up out of the window at my father's, where it congealed and then froze all over a tree outside his front door, creating a truly grotesque Christmas tree, that got worse as it defrosted.

Last year my bro embarked on an ill-advised racist rant in front of our Canadian cousins...who are living over here working as social workers for the deprived and struggling immigrants of London.

I could go on (I already have). This year I really do want to break this cycle - particularly as it's 'my turn'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:25, Reply)

This is great.
I look forward to your post-festivities report.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:41, Reply)

Excuse the Internet gayness but...
Monty, I want to get out on the pop/chizzle with you. It sounds a bit ace, like!
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:05, Reply)

Everyone wants a go on Monty.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:07, Reply)

Oh good
I thought it was just me.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:10, Reply)

My last long-term girlfriend had a bit of a breakdown
My brother caught up with her dad at a wedding, who told him 'I don't blame Monty, but I think it's best they aren't together any more. She tried, but she just couldn't keep up with him'.


SO BE WARNED.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:27, Reply)

Ha
I see. Crumbs. Well, I reckon I'd do alright. Bit out of practice though. Might get some in for over Crimble, get my tolerance back up. If you're ever up in Manchester give us a shout!
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Thu 10 Dec 2009, 14:44, Reply)

It happens from time to time- I'll gaz you if I am coming up

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 15:47, Reply)

Genius
:D
( djtrialprice, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:40, Reply)

Checking b3ta
looking for the other sad-assed johnny no-lives.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:30, Reply)

Hmmm
Films are usually the Christmas tradition. Every year over Christmas I have to watch Die Hard, The Bottom Christmas Special, The Blackadder Christmas Special and The Good Life Christmas Special, ooooh oooooh and The Muppet Christmas Carol! YAY! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:45, Reply)

The Blackadder Christmas Special - isn't that a bit pants
or am I confusing it with something else?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:47, Reply)

Hehe
I like it! :D

Its the Christmas Carol story where Blackadder is Scrooge!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:48, Reply)

starts off nice and generous
and ends up nasty?

maybe I'm thinking of that back and forth thing...

how are you mrs?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:48, Reply)

That's the ticket! :D
I'm good thank you mr, looking forward to the weekends festivities! What about you?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:51, Reply)

same here
bit bleary-eyed this morning. got christmas do with all my old mates tomorrow night, then the prospect of some great surf on saturday as the weather has changed to proper crisp winter stuff. and that means nice light offshore winds, and a reasonable swell. I'm quite excited.

could only be better if my new TV was being delivered tomorrow instead of monday!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 9:58, Reply)

Ah that sounds fun, Xmas with old mates and surfing!! :D
I've got one of my work Xmas dos tonight and then a mates birthday tomorrow and a party on Saturday! Its great!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:18, Reply)

sounds good :-)
we were going to having our do at Zizzi, but they managed to not have any record of our booking for 30-odd people despite being phoned about it 3 times.

stupid fucks. last time couple of times a load of us have been there they've spilt drinks all over people, given appalling service and then had the audacity to shove on a massive service charge.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:21, Reply)

I went to one of theirs in town.
Worst/non-existent service ever.

Walked out without paying an hour and a half (and one drink and starter) later. Fucking dismal.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:29, Reply)

it really is shit
and ridiculous given the amount of competition they have from almost identical restaurants.

Prezzo is just as bad. same horrible blunders on the menus (gratinated potatoes ffs). The one in exeter is staffed by rude eastern europeans.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:34, Reply)

Sparkling plonk
early on Christmas morning.

Prune and bacon rolls.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:03, Reply)

My mum hates cooking so we're going out for Christmas dinner.
I shall probably be spending Christmas being brow-beaten by my nephew into playing with his Halo figures I got him.
( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:05, Reply)

Just me and mrs monders this year. Normally my rents come round in the AM to watch us open our pressies (I'm 28, ffs!) but they can't this year so: up, brekky (eggs n bacon, champers), watch the 1951 Scrooge film, open pressies, shower and then just... Well, relax! We usually get the Scalextric out at dome point too.

I love Christmas.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:19, Reply)

Flat 20's
You know what I mean? The packs of chocolate you get kinda like a fag packet but wih little pieces of chocolate?

That, a satsuma and some deoderant in my stocking, ewvery year since I was 3.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:21, Reply)

why, do you stink, or something?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:30, Reply)

Either that
Or Santa is unimaginative.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:16, Reply)

I think you may be right
Who gives deodorant to a 3-year old? That's just plain weird.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:32, Reply)

Usually go round my brother's
This year his girlfriend is doing a leg of lamb and a turducken. The aim is not to be paralytic by the time food is served. Then watch the Frankie Boyle DVD and slide into a meat coma.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:36, Reply)

frankie boyle, the mong that thinks swearing is a viable punchline
well it isn't, go away and stop peddling a watered down, vanilla version of what Sadowtiz was doing 20 years ago.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:49, Reply)

That's some tough criticism - tough but fair
He's funnier than anyone else on the TV right now, though, to give him credit (that I can think of).
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:34, Reply)

Tough, but justified
I wanted to like him, I really did. However that 'Shouty Glaswegian' schtick just began to stick in my craw. While swearing can be used to good comedy effect, he just boots the arse out of it and substitutes swearing for talent.

If i see him on the streets of Glasgow i'll be sure to call him a 'talentless cunt', which is hilarious of course, because I done a swear word.

As i say, get Sadowitz's Total Abuse Show, and then tell me Boyle isn't a cock.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:45, Reply)

Jerry's streets ahead - no disputing it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 12:04, Reply)

'The aim is not to be paralytic by the time the food is served'
I have managed to fail at this every year for the past 6 years or so.
Makes for a good after-meal snooze (read: coma).
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:18, Reply)

My mum loves Christmas
When I was a nipper I really loved my sleep and so does my dad. We'd be awoken at about FIVE am by my mother roaring "Roota!! Do you think he's been????" (He being Father Christmas) I'd more often say "No not yet, I haven't heard sleigh-bells..." just so I could get a bit more sleep.

Eventually I'd give in and we'd begin waking Dad, who'd had 'a few' the night before. "Fifteen more minutes!" he'd beg. SO mum would go off, cut up an orange, and start stuffing wedges into his mouth. "Come on Chris, this'll sort your hangover. The baby wants to open her presents!" (The 'baby' would be standing bleary eyed, wobbling on my foal-like morning legs wishing I was still in bed)

Then "I know, ROOTA, MAKE YOUR DAD A COFFEE!" While I'd be making the coffee, he'd stumble into the living room in his grundies, pointing the camera at the tree going "Ok ok, SMILE ROOTA!" even though I wasn't there. Then I'd come in, smile in front of the tree, open a few gifts, and give my dad permission to sit down. At which point he'd sigh and say sadly "It's my fucking birthday... can I have a lager please mate?" and I'd get the poor man a lager while Mum did a Mary Poppins at nobody in particular.

Christmas morning as still like that, but with MOAR hangovers.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 10:57, Reply)

Is it really his birthday?
Or is he an alcoholic?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:03, Reply)

It is actually the poor fucker's birthday
When I was 11 he finally got the balls to stop the church thing too.
Hw whined to my mum "It's my fucking birthday, we never go to church and the one day you make us go is my fucking birthday. I hate it, our Roota hates it, and YOU even hate it, so tell your mother we're not doing it any more."
One of the best days of my life.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:09, Reply)

I think I wanna get adopted by your family.
It sounds like fun.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:12, Reply)

They're like a really bad northern sit-com
Or a really ground-breaking documentary.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:13, Reply)

The Roota Family
A cross between The Royle Family and The Addams Family.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:31, Reply)

Exactamundo
Someone always goes "diddle dee dee *click click*" when there's a group photo...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:37, Reply)

you're a marvellous storyteller

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:36, Reply)

Well coming from you, that's ace!
Commence the mutual back-slapping
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:41, Reply)

*slaps back*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 12:05, Reply)