challenge the tard to fisticuffs
that way, your wife cannot fail to be impressed by your manly display of manly manliness in a man-tastic man-ner, and will then allow you access to her fabled lotus garden. plus, you'll be up against a tard, so you'll have the time to try out all those super-cool moves you always wanted to pull in a fight but knew would be too slow/complex/obvious against an able-bodied protagonist.. time for a well-aimed chuck muthafuckin norris roundhouse kick to the spleen, followed by a five point death punch thing, followed by shouting 'SPAAARTAAAAAA!!!!!!!' an cunhting him in the fuck so hard he falls into a mine shaft.
what could go wrong?
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 10:36, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

And if I do all this I get laid right?

( Peej, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Sounds like it'd work
You'll need to dig a mine shaft first though!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Nope!
Live in Cornwall! There's shit loads! In fact there's one just up the road that they could park in front of. No-one needs access to the old minehouse and shaft.

Hahahaha "Shaft"
( Peej, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Hehehe
Mine shafts always make me think of the scene in The Great Outdoors when John Candy is pulls a bear out of a mine shaft on a rope and then he screams like a girl.

I love The Great Outdoors! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 10:51, Reply)

I dunno.
Didn't she find the nine minute anal rape scene in Irreversible a little too violent for her sexual tastes?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 10:45, Reply)

that'll be fine then
phile only nees six minutes, including disrobing and the post-coital cigarette he's not allowed to smoke.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 10:47, Reply)

he's not going to rape the disabled kid
jesus....


not for 9 minutes anyway. a disabled kid? 30 seconds and he'll be spent

edit: bah, mindpiss
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 10:47, Reply)