The Friend Zone - Shamelessly copied from another forum:
The Friend Zone
"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love."

Ah, the most dreaded of social relationships. You say hello, you chat a bit, and suddenly, she's unburdening her deepest fears and telling you all the things she hates about her boyfriend/men in general. Score, right?

No.

See, somewhere along the line, you failed to make your predatory interest known. You're hearing this because you're "such a good friend" or " a great listener." This is not a good place to be, but fear not, my friend. It CAN be overcome. (I know, I've done it.) The big thing here, really, is that you must make clear the fact that while you're interested in her sexually/romantically. We might think it, but they really can't read your mind. You have to make your desire known. Otherwise, off to the Zone with you, and there you stay, while some guy with more confidence in himself and expressing his wants comes along and you get the lovely experience of listening to her jaw off about how great her new boyfriend is, and (and this is the best part) how great he is in bed, etc. Great, right?

I'll give you a second to finish cringing and removing those imaginary shards from your heart, and we'll get started on this again.

So, you're fishing about, trying to make your interest known. But how, how do I do it you ask? Simple. No, really, it is. You know those sexual comments and off-color jokes you find bouncing through your head, but were afraid to say out loud? Go ahead and do it. Not too much, not at first, but bit by bit, work those into the conversation. What you're going for here is to have her associate you with sex in her head. This is a slow process, and fraught with peril, so proceed with caution (but proceed!).

Alright, you're making off-color comments and racy jokes now...what next? My own personal take is to listen to her. She's been busy, for the last few days/weeks/months/years (you poor bastard) telling you everything she hates about her boyfriend or men in general. This is AMMUNITION, by god. The Marines would kill for Intel half this good. Your job, now, is to show her how you're the diametric opposite of what she hates. She hates crude and raunchy? Buddy, rent some 007 movies, you've got a new role model. She hates men who can't be 'manly?' Take a look through Men's Health or Maxim at the book store. Lots of interesting tips and tricks there, without having to pretend to be an evolutionary throwback. One thing, though. Be yourself. Always, always, always. There's a fine line between showing her your best, and trying to be something you're not. Present your best facets to her, but don't pretend to be something you're not. That way lies only resentment when you get tired of the charade.

From here, you'll generally expand the sexual comments to include her, or allude to the two of you. Your goal is to shift the focus from her seeing you as a sexual person, instead of a relatively neuter "friend" to now see the possibility of the two of you together. Young padawan, I cannot, and we cannot, give you terribly good advice on this. Go ahead and post your situation, but there are so many variables here, it's going to be difficult. But hey, you're a geek, you're a smart guy, you can figure it out, right? Right? (Say yes now....good.)
(bill, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 13:38, Reply)