Do you know what the worst thing is?
I actually have a great deal of respect for Monty, and although I've never spoken to her, his sister too. I could never even possibly begin to imagine the sheer horror of what the poor woman's been through, and I genuinely feel for her.
Yesterday when I joked about taking her out I was actually being serious, but because I'm such a massive dickhead it came across like I was taking the piss.

Why would I want to meet her? Because I am such an enormous tool, and incredulous plank that I believe meeting someone who I'm sure must have an extraordinarily good nature, and who has been, and is still going through a terrible ordeal, would be just the reality-checking kick up the backside that a total arsehole like me needs.
So apologies again, Monty. I mean no offence but I say incredibly inappropriate things because it's how I deal with anything I don't understand. I'll gladly provide you with my home address if you'd like to give me a good battering
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 26 May 2010, 20:08, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Does that offer stand for when you were mean about that collie last year?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 26 May 2010, 20:10, Reply)

I've already offered it to you
If you take me up on it I will genuinely allow you to tear my bollocks off with a laminated Carr's table biscuit
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 26 May 2010, 20:12, Reply)

Form an orderly queue behind the Ritz crackers.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 26 May 2010, 20:14, Reply)

Ritz are too small and crumbly
That's why I went for the sturdier Carr's water biscuit
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 26 May 2010, 20:23, Reply)

I prefer a scalpel, but it's your choice

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 26 May 2010, 20:16, Reply)