Hello D'sG, long time no speak
How's the mrs?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 27 May 2010, 23:48, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Hello Bert!
I'm grand thanks, all the better for seeing you :o)
I got one of these for Christmas and named him after you:

www.amazon.co.uk/Extra-Large-Chimpanzee-Hand-Puppet/dp/B000WGV600/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=kids&qid=1275000841&sr=1-1

He's even got a faecebook account (Burt Chimpcaster).
How is your splendid simian self?
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 27 May 2010, 23:55, Reply)

Ha! He's adorable!
I feel privileged and honoured to have such a fine figure of monkeyhood named after me. I might have to add him on facemong, just to see what the little fella's been up to :)
Just don't let Becky anywhere near him, she might have him torn apart by a dog and take photos of it.

Glad you're alright, I hope those boys of yours are keeping you out of mischief!

I'm doing ok, but I have an urge for something right now, I just don't know what
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 28 May 2010, 0:02, Reply)

A wank?
I'm shite at staying out of mischief - only last week I snogged the singer from the Levellers....

*swoons*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 28 May 2010, 0:04, Reply)

I am here you know!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 28 May 2010, 0:08, Reply)

You filthy hussy
I hope that you at least copped a feel too?

Naw, I've already had 2 or 3 wanks tonight, but now I'm having a nice dinner
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 28 May 2010, 0:08, Reply)

Nah, just a cuddle and a snog.

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 28 May 2010, 0:26, Reply)

It's alright, I know that you must have
The allure of a good crotch rub is too strong to resist during a snog, but I know you can't say anything with the manwife around
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 28 May 2010, 0:31, Reply)

Well, we weren't alone you see,
the rest of the band was there too. DG was round the other side of the pub, cavorting with the lambs ;o)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 28 May 2010, 0:36, Reply)

Typical DG
Always after the livestock
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 28 May 2010, 0:42, Reply)

I WAS NOT!
I was totally impressing the really fit girlfriend of the fiddle player with my TOTALLY AWESOME BEER ORDERING SKILZ and then she frothed in her pants and we had to get a mop to clean it up. When I say mop, I mean a lamb, and then the next day she bought me fish and chips from a chippy that was like six miles away and I totally helped her on that arduous task by getting the cutlery out.

Then I bought her another beer, or at least I asked her of she wanted one, and she frothed her knickers again, made her excuses to her frankly rubbish boyfriend and took me round the corner to show me her etchings, which I refused. Then she totally gave me a hickey and said she was sorry it wouldn't work between us but still gave me her number just in case I changed my mind.



I texted her an hour ago. Nothing yet, but I think she's in Belgium or something giving fiddle boy some moral support. Whilst wishing she was giving me a blow job, beacuse she totally likes cum that tastes like beer and chips.

I win.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 28 May 2010, 0:46, Reply)

Are you 100% sure
she was not a supermodel?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 May 2010, 0:47, Reply)

She totally looked like Jenny Agutter in the Railway Children.
I used to live near (I say near, really it was about 500 metres away) a railway line. I'd go and wave my underwear at trains and get them to stop because of the MASSIVE log I'd just laid on the line, thus saving hundreds of commuters from a grisly death.

That's where me and Jenny lookalike clicked. Out of respect for her, I totally don't turn into a werewolf after I'd boned her in the shower.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 28 May 2010, 1:14, Reply)

you are a special human being
and a true gentleman
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 May 2010, 1:15, Reply)

I am totally awesome.
And massive.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 28 May 2010, 1:40, Reply)

the only thing that would make this cooler
is if you had taken drugs. But we can't have everything in life
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 May 2010, 1:56, Reply)

Ha!
Best thing I've read on b3ta in years!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 28 May 2010, 0:52, Reply)

Bullshit.
She totally asked ME to mind her fish and chips for her, then offered ME some first.

Tourette's and Mark
In a tree
K.I.S.S.I.N.G.
First comes love
Then comes marriage
Then comes Tourette's with a baby carriage

*blows raspberry*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 28 May 2010, 0:59, Reply)