My absolute favourite joke ever
is the one where David is asked to look after a parrot for a few days while the owner is on holiday. Being a nice person he agrees, not realising this parrot is the foulest most abusive bird ever. As soon as it arrives it begins swearing at him and calling him names, beginning to alienate his family and friends and making him generally miserable. One day fed up of the taunts and abuse he picks up the parrot and chucks it in the freezer. For the first four hours he can hear squawks and abuse then suddenly it goes quiet. Panicking that he has killed his friend's parrot he opens the freezer fast, only to see a bedraggled parrot walk out and calmly say.

'I am most heartily sorry for any offence I may have caused and will endeavour not to do so again.' David is amazed, and the parrot continues. 'If I could ask one question? What did the chicken do?'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 10:00, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Very good.

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 24 Jun 2010, 10:03, Reply)

In the version I'd heard
the parrot fucked the chicken. I think that says quite a lot about the people I associate with....
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 24 Jun 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I think my one might be better
it's always good to have a small store of polite jokes so you're not stuck for one
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Well at least now I can select the appropriate ending to suit the audience

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 24 Jun 2010, 10:34, Reply)

I agree
unfortunately the politest joke I know involves sherlock holmes, lemon curd and a young boy's arsehole
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 10:35, Reply)