Alright, I'll do a serious answer in the hope that it will break my own tedium;
Me: That bloke from Road Trip, you know, the really skinny, awkward one, except that I'd keep him locked in a dark cellar for a few weeks with nothing but an audio tape of me saying 'you're a cunt' on constantly as preparation.
My daughter: Gary Coleman's corpse.
Her Mum: a toothpick covered in shit
My family: A group of unknown scottish actors prone to outbreaks of fighting and alcoholism.
My ex: A young Monica Belluci, on psycho-tropic substances

It would be a very black, ironic comedy. Main plot points would be rape, paedophilia, mental illness and hilarious awkward social embarrassment.

The soundtrack would be me quietly strangling a kitten as background noise throughout
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 12:34, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Sounds like an Iain Banks novel. Only shitter.
Can I direct?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 2 Jul 2010, 12:46, Reply)

Sorry
I've already got David Kronenbourg lined up, he has some interesting ideas for the vomiting digitally animated haribo sweets on my naked sister sequence
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 12:51, Reply)

I bet he doesn't have the ideas I do.
About your daughter.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 2 Jul 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Her role will be a somewhat difficult one to master
I'm going to have Coleman's corpse attached to a bungee, and just fling him passed the cameras at odd intervals
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 12:58, Reply)