A man goes into confession and says "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." The priest replies, "Listen, I'm bursting for the toilet here. I know this is an unusual request, but, wuold you mind jumping round to this side to cover for me while I go?" The man says "But father, I'm not trained to hear confessions." "No, no, no" says the priest, "It's really very easy. There's a chart on the back of door here. When the confessor tells you his sin, just look it up on the chart and it tells you the penance."

So, the guy agrees to stand in for the priest while he nips to the bathroom. After a few minutes, he hears the door of the confession box open and a woman says "Forgive me father, for I have sinned". "Erm, ok" he replies. "What did you do?" "I am a married woman, but last week I got drunk at a bar and kissed a strange man." So, the "priest" looks at the chart "Ah yes," he whispers to himself "adultery - minor. There it is." He says to the woman "Say ten "Hail Marys" and four "Our Fathers" and you will be absolved. So, the woman goes away.

After a while, he hears the door open again, and a man says "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." Our "priest" is starting to enjoy himself and gets into the role a bit "Ah yes, my child, and what was your sin?" "I stole some money from the petty cash tin at work." So, our friend looks at the chart on the door. "Ah yes," he whispers to himself "theft - There it is." "My beloved child," he tells the man "say twelve "Hail Marys", fourteen "Our Fathers" and give the same amount of money to charity. So, away the man goes.

After another short while, he hears the door open again. A woman’s voice says “Forgive me father, for I have sinned” “Oh, beloved child of God!” the actor bellows. “And what disgrace have you brought upon yourself?” “I know it was wrong” the woman replies, “but I couldn’t help myself – I gave my boyfriend a blowjob.”

Quite stunned, the false priest looks for the word “blowjob” on the chart – nothing. Fellatio, perhaps? Nothing. Oral sex? Not a mention. So, he says to the woman, “my child, excuse me for a minute.” He jumps out of the confession box to see if he can find a real priest to ask about the penance, but the only other person in the church is one of the alter boys. So he goes over and says “Hey, young man, tell me – what does the priest usually give for a blow job?” The boy looks at him and replies “Two mars bars and a can of coke.”
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 9:38, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Supoib.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 9:40, Reply)

You are Dave Allen AICMFP

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 9:54, Reply)

*snort*
long, but worth it.
(berk, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 10:17, Reply)

That's what she said

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 10:26, Reply)