On my sixth birthday
My mother made me a train cake: several carriages and of course a superior engine section.

Whilst larking about in the grounds of Cheltenham College, my brother and I were running along the top of a wall. Two foot drop onto springy turf one side, 10 foot drop onto concrete schoolyard (J5 lolz) the other. My brother was in front of me; he bent back a protruding tree branch and pinged it back at me, sending me flying through the air, headfirst onto the concrete.

When I got out of hospital my brother and his cunt chums had not only laid into my cake without my being there - but some fucker had eaten the engine.

Remember when I said I never forget transgressions? I will uncover the culprit and there will be severe repercussions.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 16:49, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A cat did it

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 16:50, Reply)

Bert:
putting the 'pony' into 'one-trick pony' since 1978.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

I was born in 1987, so that's quite some feat
As musch as I would like to be this 'Bert' you all seem to have so much affection for, I am not him.

I am RBF Esquire's secondary account
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 16:58, Reply)

Sign in as your primary account and post here.
Or forever be Bert.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 17:17, Reply)

it's certainly "pony & trap"

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 17:01, Reply)

THAT WAS MY JOKE!!!!111!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Monty & Bert sitting in a tree
B-U-M-M-I-N-G
First comes love, then comes marriage
then comes Monty sucking Bert's cock because he loves him so much and can't get him out of his head
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 17:06, Reply)

You wish, Bert.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 17:16, Reply)

It is annoying an frustrating to be called by the name of somebody you are not
over on /links tehy think I am about three people, on /talk they think I am baldmonkey, I am not them, I am not Bert, I am The Cat Hater
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 17:27, Reply)

Lying post is a lie.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 17:29, Reply)

Hello Bert

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 17:30, Reply)

Well you can't have your cake and eat it.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 16:52, Reply)

damn. beat me to it.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 16:53, Reply)

The truth please Monty
It was Cheltenham Ladies College.
You were Thirty-Six.
You were larking in the grounds wanking in the bushes.
And i'll assume "cake" is street slang for MASSIVE DRUGZ.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 16:56, Reply)

OK you got me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Bless Mums and their birthday food indulgences
My Mum once made the party sndwiches into a chess board (using brown and white bread, cutting them into small squares and laying them out in the appropriate pattern) and put the chess pieces o them. We also had mice made fron tinned (I know) pear halves with currant eyes and liquorice tails. That was considered sophisticated round our way.
(Cave Duck, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 17:06, Reply)

That's really rather sweet, isn't it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 17:12, Reply)

The pear syrup?
It was rather.
(Cave Duck, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 17:16, Reply)