Change it to a fund to pay to for the fat cunt to be deported

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:01, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

You beat me to it
but I was going to say "Hitman"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:02, Reply)

^ this
Or it could pay for a sense of humour implant for the stroppy twat.
(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:06, Reply)

That would be charitable.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:07, Reply)

Good point, well made
*donates twelvety pence*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:12, Reply)

^do this
that fat unfunny cunt

get him some liposuction and get his tongue cut out.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:27, Reply)

^ give him liposuction
and inject all the fat into his tongue.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:28, Reply)

thus creating a kind of mecha-Jamie Oliver?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:30, Reply)

Then we'll put the two cockends in a pit and make them tongue-wrestle one another to the death
Winner gets a red-hot poker up the arse.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:31, Reply)

Ew. I'll pay money
NOT to watch that.
(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)

That's the quicker method
The alternative is we just let them continue their normal lives with these vastly inflated tongues, and see how long it takes them to realise that attempting to speak will crush their tracheas. And that way they will learn not to speak on pain of self-asphyxiation.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:34, Reply)

Doesn't seem to have worked so far, sadly
Perhaps tongue wrestling to the death is for the best.
(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:38, Reply)

Could just be that Oliver is a fan of auto-asphyxiation
So by talking shit in a shit accent on his shit TV programme he gets the combined eroticism of a good choking and the sound of his own voice. He must be permanently tumescent...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:48, Reply)

Judging by the number of stupidly named kids
his wife has popped out, it's entirely possible...
(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:52, Reply)

Oh christ, you mean he's managed to procreate?
It's worse than I feared...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)

I think he's got 4 now
it was in the news last week - the latest one is called Buddy. I wouldn't even call my dog something that lame.
(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 16:09, Reply)

Buddy?
FFS. Buddy is a nickname given to blues players if it's a name at all. Unless it's short for something amusing like Budderick then I shall campaign for Oliver to be legally required to eat this child with a side order of turkey twizzlers.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 16:11, Reply)