Delurking to tell you about the time I worked at a TV news station
It was, to be quite frank, a pretty awful gig. Long hours, shit pay and most of the women who worked backstage were about as attractive as a fart in a spacesuit. Add to that the unpleasant hours we worked - early morning news, midday news, evening news and the news at midnight, all of which I had to be there for, being as I was the man in charge of the boom mike.

Just one of these factors would have been enough to ruin my aspirations of maintaining a social life, but in conjunction they totally fucked any chance of being able to escape the studio for anything more than a quick shit or a hot meal. It got so bad we had little cubicles with beds just behind the set so we could catch a nap or two between airings.

The only exception to this were the news presenters. Those plastic fucks were helicoptered in fifteen minutes beforehand, given a quick polish by the makeup team to stop the wrinkles from showing and bussed onto the set with all the arse-sucking sycophantry you'd expect.

I hated those bastards. Especially Samuel motherfucking Thanes, twuntbelcher supreme, he of the fake teeth and robot hair. You know the kind of person who would bum his grandmother for a brief second of fame? I knew the kind of person, and that person was Mr. Samuel shitbishop Thanes.

On the day of this tale, I was trying desperately to wake up from a fairly pleasant kip in one of the studio beds, just in time for the morning broadcast, when I became dimly aware of someone standing, hands on hips, at the side of the bed. Fuck, what was the time?
"I'm up, I'm up..." I spat, blearily, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

"Good, I need a decent fuck."

What.

Enter into this equation Jenny, one of our resident makeup artists. Jenny was not unattractive, but given her mastery of hiding glaring character flaws under foundation, mascara and other facial products I couldn't even begin to name, I was wary. No one in the studio had ever seen her without makeup, and given that she seemed to apply her fake face with a trowel and a cement mixer, general consensus was that she must have been either cock-shrivellingly mingtastical underneath or hiding prodigious scars.
As the world came into focus, it was indeed Jenny who was standing in my cubicle, wearing nothing but a pair of unfeasibly high heels and enough makeup to choke a horse. She was slimmer than I'd expected, and although she was of a very slight build, she had quite an impressive set of upper frontal buttocks, in retrospect almost certainly fake. A rhinestone encrusted bellybutton piercing was the cherry on the low-rent porn actress cake. Anyhow, as I sat up in bed, mouth agape, she turned the lock on the door.

"Erm-" I began, but Jenny had taken two quick steps to the bed and lept astride me.

"Sam couldn't get it up this morning," She offered as way of explanation, as she mimed taking a snort of something off an outstretched finger. Wait, Sam? SAMUEL FUCKING SHITBASTARD THANES!!! I was only stopped from screaming his name skywards by Jenny suddenly grabbing my cock through my jeans.

"Looks like you can, though," she whispered in my ear, beginning to unbutton my fly with deft hands. I was torn between triumph at having beaten SAMUEL CUNTNUGGET THANES at erections and despair at being reduced to Jenny's reserve fuck option.

Suddenly, through the wall of the set I heard the producer.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BOOM MIKE? SOMEONE WAKE THAT LAZY CUNT UP! WE'RE LIVE IN TWENTY SECONDS!"

Shit.

I was brought back to matters closer to home when Jenny forcefully whipped off my jeans and undergarments with a single, decisive pull, setting my cock free and bouncing its turgid length against my stomach. She grinned like a shark eyeing up a slab of tuna.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?"

"I'll get him!" Jenny shouted back, as she wrapped a manicured hand around my shaft with a vice-like grip and began to slowly trace a line along the bottom of my cock with the very tip of her tongue, working her way to the head.

"TEN SECONDS! WHERE THE FUUUUUUUUUUUCK IS THAT BOOM MIKE?!?"

I weighed up the options and despite a fairly substantial part of my brain telling me to say "fuck it" and leave things well enough alone, I quickly pushed Jenny's head away from my groin and instead grabbed the boom mike. I made sure it was plugged in and switched on and stood up on the bed - or at least, I tried to, because Jenny still hadn't relinquished her death-grip on my todger.

"Leggo my cock!" I hissed at her through clenched teeth, and with an exaggerated pout she finally released my swollen member. I stood unsteadily on the cheap IKEA mattress and popped the boom mike over the set wall at full extension.

"FUCKING FINALLY! DOWN A BIT, DOWN A BIT, LEF- MY LEFT YOU DAFT CU- THERE! DON'T FUCKING MOVE IT! LIVE IN FIVE, FOUR..."

I was left standing on my bed with my arms above my head holding the very end of the handle as the shaft of the very heavy boom mike rested on the set wall, suspending the mike in mid air above the set, with nothing on but my shirt and my socks - not the most comfortable position, but as long as I could hold still for the next 15 minutes I'd get away with it.

I was immediately reminded of the flaw in this plan when Jenny slipped between my legs and grabbed my cock again. I looked down to see her smiling her shark grin again.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I mouthed at her, trying to maintain my balance with her weight shifting the mattress.

"This." she whispered back, as she sucked my balls into her mouth and began to make long, slow strokes with her hands on my shaft.

"Good morning, I'm Sarah Fordsworth -"

"And I'm Samuel Thanes-"

I ground my teeth as I heard that arsecunt's name. Jenny pulled her mouth away from my now glistening scrotum with an audible pop.

"You know, he always talks in the third person? Even when we fuck, for fuck's sake." She said. The thought of SAMUEL SHITCUNTBASTARDWANKFUCK THANES naked nearly rendered me instantly flaccid but my hard on was saved as Jenny wrapped her lips around the head of my cock and began to show some significant skill with her tongue.

"Stop talking about him, please," I whispered, sweat beading my brow as I attempted to maintain the boom mike's altitude. I felt her giggle in reply as she looked up at me, her cheek bulging with cock as she playfully tilted her head to one side whilst she stroked what she hadn't fit in her mouth. I mouthed the word 'careful' to her.

In reply, she grabbed hold of my arse with both hands and swallowed, gagging as she choked down the last few inches. I damn near lost my grip on the boom mike as I slid into her gullet, feeling her throat clench as she gagged, her lips wrapped around the base of my cock.

Jenny's skill became readily apparent as she gripped my buttocks harder and began to fuck herself with my cock, pulling her head back quickly before shoving her mouth down over my length again, gagging on my tool as it speared her throat over and over. I trembled in the face of this onslaught, fighting tooth and nail to keep the boom mike steady as Jenny fucked her own face with my cock, stopping briefly every now and then to draw breath before feeding the entire length back into her esophagus.

After a few minutes of this she paused to look up at me, her lips pressed tightly against the base of my shaft, her throat full of my cock. She was a mess, her mascara had run in thick, wet streams down her cheeks, her chin and neck covered in a torrent of that peculiar thick drool which always results when deepthroating is to be had. My cock jumped a little in excitement at the sight of her in such a state, and I felt her giggle as she winked again.

Jenny renewed her efforts with even greater vigour, swallowing repeatedly as she finished each stroke with my length wedging her throat open. I desperately tried to dampen the vibrations she was causing in the both of us, but the boom mike was starting to sway erratically in increasingly large movements as I teetered on the edge of a powerful climax.

Suddenly, Jenny slammed herself down on my cock and stayed down, pulling me into her face with her hands as she choked and gagged. I grimaced as I desperately held back, knowing that if I came I would probably turn myself inside out and drop the boom mike over the wall. Jenny had other plans, though, and she showed me what they were by slipping her tongue between cock and lip to run it over my balls. But even this new sensation was not enough.

"Nope!" I hissed through gritted teeth. I knew I would lose, but damn it if I wouldn't make her fight for it.

In reply, Jenny swallowed hard once more, released one hand and with superhuman effort used it to slip my ballsack into her mouth as well, sliding the very final inch of my cock into her throat as she smiled (as much as she could, anyway) in triumph.

"FFfffffffffffff-" My eyes bulged as I drew the hardest breath I could ever remember. Every single fiber of my being screamed to hold back as I balanced on a razor-edge of pleasure, my cock pulsing and twitching like mad inside this filthy, freaky, mascara-streaked girl. With that, she swallowed again, the wet velvet glove of her throat pulling a long, luxurious stroke along my cock.

And in that perfect moment of clarity as the wave of my climax crashed upon me and everything went silent, I heard it.

"I'm Sarah Fordsworth -"

"And I'm Samuel Thanes-"

"THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANES!" I howled, throwing my head back as Jenny choked and spluttered on a sizable donation of hot manfat being deposited directly into her stomach as she swallowed desperately. I let go of the boom mike and grabbed her head behind the ears, holding her in place as I emptied myself into her throat.

On the other side of the set wall, Samuel shitwankingbastardfucking Thanes looked up in alarm to see who was screaming his name. Just in time for the very heavy boom mike to complete the arc of it's decent as it swung into his face with a significant amount of momentum behind it. Samuel fucknuggetshitgargler Thanes screamed like a kicked hamster as the tip of the boom mike punched neatly though the foam muffler on its end and speared him in the right eye. Samuel fartsmugglertwatburglar Thanes then stumbled around the set on a live broadcast, clutching his ruined face and screaming as he sprayed jets of claret everywhere.

And that, my friends, is why Jenny and I lost our jobs. It was a direct result of our one-eyed Sam broadcaster I REGRET NOTHING
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 9:01, 15 replies)

Please kill yourself.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 9:43, closed)

You've never so much as touched a real woman, have you.
Still, I confess that I did wonder what sort of awful pun you were going to wrangle from your wank fantasy.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 9:56, closed)

As the Lothian and Borders Police can attest
I have touched many women, some real and some which were actually men.
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 11:31, closed)

You're no FrankSpencer, are you?

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 10:17, closed)

I haven't fucked my sister.
So I suppose not.
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 11:32, closed)

That was bert you stupid tool

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 12:46, closed)

Ah yes
So it was. I must keep up to date with all the B3tamemes.
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 15:24, closed)

Fuck RIGHT off.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 10:45, closed)

no cunt is gonna read all that cunt, you cunt

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 12:14, closed)

Spanky?

(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 16:05, closed)

b3ta.com/questions/onenightstands/post2240590
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 18:29, closed)

Never mind SpankyHanky, this is even worse than a KnickersWithAttidtude post.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 18:29, closed)

Your name
Wouldn't happen to be Samuel Thanes, would it?
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 0:24, closed)

Not spanky heights, but rather good nonetheless
And this ladies and gentlemen is how you play QOTW.

Click
(justin(e), Thu 20 Mar 2014, 14:24, closed)