Anal Fissure
Forgot about this till someone mentioned poo

A few years ago I slipped two of the discs in my lower back while playing badminton. Course this fucking hurt like hell, especially as I was due in the office that afternoon (a sunday). I could barely walk and was crying in pain, but due to being a city type person I had no choice but to go in and force myself to work for a couple of hours to at least get some of the shite done.

Anyway I digress - next day I got to see the works doctor due to not actually being registered anywhere. The works doctor was some highly paid private nobend - he took one look at me an decided it was a slipped disk and prescribed a big load of drugs. One of them was valium cos, as he put it 'You will be miserable for the next few weeks'.
I was in constant pain, no matter what position I got it - couldnt lie down, stand, sit or uhm '*insert other'. Sooo I happily popped the valium like there was no tomorrow.

8 weeks later the disk popped back in (cue applause and angels singing as I can get my first real nights sleep in weeks).

So I stop taking the pain killers, valium etc.
By this time I'm feeling mostly ok, except that I havent been able to shit for about three days. I didnt find out till then that valium makes u constipated.
Oh well, just need a curry says I.
Another three days go by and now I'm feeling like my lower abdomen is full of concrete.
That morning I poke my finger up my bum, it barely goes in and is met with a wall of solid poo.
I mean really solid, like its made of stone.
Only one thing for it, push like I'm having a baby.
So I do. I push so hard I pop a blood vessel in my eye
And give myself an anal fissure o.o
The resulting poo log was about the width of a tennis ball. Sadly I wasnt in any kind of mood to go find a camera (Sorry, you're disappointed now arent u), mainly cos - my arse was bleeding plus, have u ever smelt a poo thats lingered inside yer colon for a week?

Anyway, took a couple of weeks before I could poo without crying and another few years for the pain in my back to stop.
Turns out private doc was a wanker for not sending me for an MRI - not only had a slipped a couple of disks, I'd also dislocated my pelvis on boths sides, something I'm still in physiotherapy for.
(EvilMeister, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 18:38, 6 replies)

sorry but
I had to stop at "that morning I poke my finger up my bum"...

Oh the humanity.
( Sallyrsm, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 20:31, closed)

Poking my finger up my bum
Was the best part of that day

*coughs*

as u were
(EvilMeister, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:24, closed)

Anal fissures
Been there. Fucking painful.
(wino.NZ The Ayatollah of rock n' rolla..., Wed 4 Aug 2010, 21:33, closed)

I'm sorry!
Just reading your story brought tears to my eyes. As an ex-nurse, I used to see the guys on the orthopaedic ward going through similar bouts of non-pooping. Weeks in traction following, usually, a motorbike accident will cause awful constipation, for which we had to administer boatloads of laxatives; both oral and anal. The relief when they finally pooped was mighty!
(Woofie, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 21:48, closed)

I must admit
The pain was offset slightly by the feeling of relief.
(EvilMeister, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 22:25, closed)

I've worked in those situations too
and couldn't understand why we didn't foresee the constipation and just give them laxatives from the start. We had bedpans, ffs!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 8:44, closed)