Not entirely sure where the comedy is in this QOTW, but fuck it.
=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=- "OH WOE IS ME, ALAS POOR ME, I KNEW HIM WELL blah blah" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

As some of you know, I have crohns, which I'm not entirely sure I know 100% about, 'cus I don't look it up. I just know that it means that for a few hours a day I have to be near a lav. Quite a lot of the time, a few times a day, I'm chained for a few hours. Not gonna get grim, but its the 'urge' thats bad, you know that over whelming unignorable urge that something is gonna happen, weather thats actually gonna happen or not, I just donno, so can't risk it. For the record though, only once did I have to shit in a pringles tube on the train, and that was for a dare. I swapped it for a copy of The Big Issue, so I could wipe up. No wonder the big issue lot are shit at buisness, that magazine cost £3 and tesco do 2 tubes of pringles for £2.50; even if it wasn't filled with shit it would have been a bad deal.

I've gone from solphadeen to codine to morphine to morphine'n'methadone as a painkiller, via the means of all sorts of others, the thing is not all painkillers work on me... slow release morphine did fuck all 'cus my guts have been cut up so many times. Infact, the doc changed her policy or whatever when she realised. "House" ain't got shit on me when it comes to scoring this stuff back in the day.

Not a week goes by when I don't see at least one doctor. Plus so many people have opinions on what I should do, and what I should eat, because they have a mate who once had IBD. Which is quite insulting 'cus it implies that I would be cured if I "did it right", where as I've had countless advice from actual medical profesionals, and people forget that I've still got to live, and I don't want to live a life without indulgancies. I don't drink and I love food.

And then there is other shit thats not been right, lived in shitholes, had head-wobbbles that put me in the loony bin, dead dad, lost touch with most of my mates 'cus of me not liking cocaine.

=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=- "But you know me, i can't complain" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Knowing I'll never be able to hold down a normal job, I trained myself up as a web developer when I left school after minimal GCSESs 'cus of illness. Site after site, system after system, I've been able to work out every system I've come across in any language I've come across. I donno, I just have a knack for them or something. So with this, I've pretty much always got good-paying work, I'm constantly being approached by people to do jobs for them. This is with the fact that a lot of the time I have to work from home as well as in the office. Oh, and I do the whole thing with actaul real life dyslexia; you know, the kind that got you classed as being one of the thick kids.

I find myself whistling randomly 'cus I'm mostly happy. In a world with dogs in, nothing can be too bad, I truly believe that. Lots of stuff sucks, but the world doesn't, the world rocks, with christmas lights and tall buildings and mulled wine and .... insert autisticly long list of everything that I love in the world, but its mostly dog related.

And to all those OhWoeIsMe'ers out there, I reckon there are gonna be a few, there is always a good movie out soon (Man Of Still, X-Men: The Prequal : The Sequal, Wolverine 2, Avengers 2, pascific rim... to name a few), so if you're gonna do anything stupid, you'll miss them out, so you might as well wait 'till they come out, 'cus I'd be gutted if I missed them. Plus all the going-ons in Hollyoaks.

You know the trick to life? PMA. Possitive Mental Attitude. The world never sucks, just your perception of it. Lyinthord Christy was bang on

That's all, thank you for reading.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 10:00, 18 replies)

this qotw is supposed to be about sticking things up your bum.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 10:36, closed)

Oh mate, that's the best thing about it !
Every year or soo I get to actually see what my colon looks like, from the inside !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 11:34, closed)

cool. what's it like?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 12:16, closed)

A little roomy

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 16:43, closed)

Did you stick something up your bottom and then die?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 11:06, closed)

Ironically, your spelling only went to shit after you mentioned dyslexia.

(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Sat 15 Dec 2012, 12:15, closed)

So your story is, you're jewish?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 14:03, closed)

HE'S WHAT!??!??!!!!!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 14:13, closed)

In light of your personal experiences
do you think that the person(s) who first thought to put soothing aloe vera on shit tickets deserve a Nobel prize?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 18:55, closed)

It didn't occur to me at first, but I had this surreal cabaret style dream and then the truth hit me.
You're so optimistic and positive right now because you're high on opiates, you flawed genius, you.
(Elephant Balderdash attempting to bottle the absurd, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 22:05, closed)

Fuck's sake Gonz, Man of Steel.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 8:41, closed)

That's the best bit!
"to name a few". Quite.
( Pig Bodine., Thu 20 Dec 2012, 9:56, closed)

Oh Gonz.
*prouds*
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 0:22, closed)