In 2004 I was a successful entrepreneur
Fresh out of uni a friend and I had a startup company on the south coast. We were self-financed, we'd put our own cash in and it was great. We were zipping all around the country in his Audi or my classic Vauxhall, buying old IT equipment and selling it to other startups.

And it all collapsed. But not in the usual drank-too-much sort of way where young guys piss their future down the drain. We suffered a string of unrelated coincidences that brought us to our knees.

We started by investing in a van, since the business had grown to the point where we were collecting or delivering hundreds of systems at a time. And we paid in cash. Only the van suffered brake failure and crashed 30 miles after we bought it, wiping out the investment and leaving us massively out of pocket. We tried using our cars to keep up the deliveries, but my Vauxhall blew its engine, so we went from three vehicles to one in the space of a week.

The following Monday, I was awoken by a loud banging on the door. Two massive blokes in black leather jackets were there to turf me out of the flat; apparently the landlord hadn't been passing our rent on to the bank to cover his mortgage, so we were given a one-week notice to vacate. So I moved onto the sofa of the business partner.

We were based in Portsmouth, very near the football ground. SO close, in fact, that after one fateful match against Southampton an army of angry fans stormed through the industrial estate where we were based. They smashed up our lock-up and wrote off our latest batch of machines, which were written off at cost price instead of resale.

With no vehicles, no stock and all our cash "pending" from insurance payouts, we weren't liquid enough to buy more stock. Banks wouldn't lend because we were still a new company. We lost clients, and the company folded. That's when my girlfriend left me. Maybe she was just a gold-digger, or maybe she was tired of consoling me, especially at the thought of attending my grandmother's funeral, who'd died that week too.

So in the space of about six weeks I lost a car, a van, a flat, my job, my girlfriend and a relative, in the most unavoidable of circumstances. I had to slink back to my parents with my tail between my legs and start my life from scratch. My business partner had it worse, lapsing back into the heroin addiction he'd been fighting since he was a teenager.

But it's all fine now. I've since moved to Poland, bought a flat and another classic car, and I work as a private contractor in the business district, working a four-day week with some pretty impressive views from my office. My girlfriend's lovely and this week my first book has been approved by the Ministry of Education for national use, so my name will be in every technical college across the country. And my business partner recovered, went on to study law and is now making a name for himself in London.

So while this post my contain massive amounts of croissant-chewing smugness, I feel that a modicum of it is partially deserved. Fuck you, feeling-sorry-for-yourself.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 11:33, 33 replies)

Yeah, but have you got a bumhole?

( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 11:35, closed)

I DO still have a bumhole
although I feel solidarity with our bumless brethren
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 11:42, closed)

not enough bumbag

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 11:40, closed)

/ too many bumholes

( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 11:49, closed)

and so few fingers :(

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 12:02, closed)

Had a similar thing happen about 4 years ago.
Me and four other guys set up a trading company in 2000, which worked pretty well until 2008, when the credit crunch bit, and our banks and brokers all pulled the plug.

I guess we were lucky in that we shut it all down tidily, and even had a few quid left at the end, but it involved a) losing my job, where I was my own boss, b) Taking a job with one of our clients, where the boss is a difficult bugger (still there) and c) worst bit, having to move from the other side of the world to a cold, rainy England, with wife and young kids, to do it.

Could be worse, which is why I wouldn't post this as a story, but it was definitely traumatic at the time.
(username failed moderation, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 14:32, closed)

No wonder you're so angry all the time.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 10:20, closed)

I liked the bit about the Vauxhall.
Did you ever thread your bumhole over the gearstick?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 17:58, closed)

"successful entrepreneur"?
Your (no tax, no insurance, fake MOT) van wiped you out and shouldn't have been on the road, and the uninsured lock up where you stored all your stock got broken into. Did you not have access to the internet or a Citizen's Advice Bureau? You could have delayed eviction by two months by the look of things.

Hopefully you have insurance these days.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 19:37, closed)

The van didn't wipe us out, it just lost us some money
and while it was a silly act (and never repeated) it was just one of the many things that went wrong at the time.

The flat, in contrast, wasn't our fault and couldn't be sorted. We paid in cash and there was no contract, and while we could have fought it there was simply no prospective to it; we'd have had to move out at some point. I'm not sure how 2004-era internet could have helped other than "a/s/l? U cn live wif me :D:D:D"
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 20:41, closed)

Oh man :(
Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, you had to move to Poland.

Also fuck off with your shit book spamming, we don't take kindly to that round here.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 19:56, closed)

I'll sign your copy for you if you tell me how to spell "snookums"

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 20:41, closed)

Well I liked the story
and at least you didn't wank the business into the ground!
(Nitrous Nitrous, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 20:44, closed)

Nobody cares you miserly curmudgeonly joyless funsponge.
You've still got a bumhole and everything, you're not special.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 22:32, closed)

I read this post and thought "that's a fairly dire post"
then I saw you're the same cunt that posted this godawful post. How disappointing.

Also - ask apeloverage how his book sales soared after spruiking it here.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 22:39, closed)

Nobody off here is going to buy his book anyway.
2/10 troll harder.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 22:41, closed)

I think Grr will get where I'm coming from...

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 22:50, closed)

I have no idea what you're talking about
Also, I haven't told anyone the name of my book. It's rather niche.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 23:01, closed)

I'm sure you'll get over it.
Kudos to you on the book tho.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 23:04, closed)

www.bbc.co.uk/learning/subjects/english.shtml
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 23:05, closed)

Niche like a bumhole?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 23:04, closed)

What about a niche IN a bumhole?
Or an alcove OOOH with a potted plant and maybe a chair
(Frank Snow, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 4:35, closed)

Leather bound volumes on floor-to-ceiling oak shelves.
Oh man. This is the best day EVER.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:08, closed)

Hello The LOVELY Grrry you book-spamming cunt you.
Why didn't you tell us before that you'd been Frisbee-boy's partner?
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:02, closed)

"It is rather a specialist book."
"You DO have a copy? Oh that's wonderful"
"My name? Oh, yes it's G. R. Machine."
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:04, closed)

hahahahaha

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 10:41, closed)

:-O

( vladimir, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 10:44, closed)

mine is slightly longer \o/

( vladimir, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 10:44, closed)

hahahahahaha

( vladimir, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 10:44, closed)

This comment is approved

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 11:16, closed)

A classic Vauxhall?

( Ken Oath, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 13:23, closed)

They do exist

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 14:06, closed)

1997 astra, perfect example

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 14:30, closed)