I invented a friend
My most recent ladyfriend was a lovley woman called Amanda, we met through work, she was doing a presentation on health and safety (she went on to cut off part of my finger! - it was an accident I admit, and not really related to this story).

So Amanda and I had been going out for about three months when I began to feel very controlled, she had met all my friends, everyone I work with and knew my neighbours. The only person in her life that I was not on first name terms with was her postman. Amanda was great but she wanted to live in my pocket, so I came up with an idea to get some alone time.

My plan was simple, I invented a friend - meet Dave, my old mate from work years back. I told Amanda that my old friend Dave was back from living in Australia and I was meeting him, worked a treat, I got a night on my own to relax and all I had to do was tell a little fib, might have been fine if I had left it at that. Over the next few weeks Dave and I went out a couple of times, I wish I could say I spent these nights in a casino or a strip club to spice things up but the truth is I stayed home and drank beer while watching telly.

Problems began when Amanda wanted to meet Dave (should have seen it coming), I tried to fob her off hoping she would give up but it became a big deal for her, she was getting a bit upset so I started adding more lies, Dave was not good around strangers, Dave was a bit of a heavy drinker so it was not a good idea to meet up. Nothing worked, it became a mission for her to meet Dave.

This went on for about six weeks, now please consider that at the time I was drinking a bit too much so was used to lying. Also consider that I really did like Amanda - I did feel a little guilty for lying but once I started it was hard to get out.

So towards the end the lies had mounted up, little by little it all adds up, christ it was had work trying to keep track of it all. It reached the point were Dave was back from Australia to break the news to his family that he was marrying a woman he met online through a jail dating site, she was English and was nearly finished a five year sentence for smuggling drugs into Australia. Dave was going through a lot, his parents were not happy and he was worried that he jail mate was using him.

The happy ending for Dave was his jail-babe had been forgiven by her parents and they wanted the two of them to come stay with them, they owned a rental property in Cornwall so it would be a relaxed place to stay for a while, no pressure as neither of them were going to be working. Dave left and Amanda never met him, I promised to stop telling lies, they are really not worth it.

I thought that would end it and my promise to be a better person would stay with me, not so for Amanda, she decided that as the jail-babes parents had a rental they could sort us out with somewhere to stay when we went over for a visit. The next round of lies had to begin.

We broke up for unrelated reasons, and I am not sorry for that, we were not right for each other regardless of mow much we liked each other.

I really do regret inventing Dave, at first it was a bit of fun, then it became a challenge but in the end it was just me telling lies to a nice woman that I wish I could have been honest with.
(cname, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 23:32, 9 replies)

Everybody should have a Bunbury
...although I do think youmight have sent Dave back to Oz...or given him a contagious disease...or made him a recluse with his wee collected in jam jars...or very very ugly...or agoraphobic...or really really rich and too posh to meet the likes of her...or a your lover, that would have cooled her desire to meet him.
It's fun to have an imaginary friend
( seeballs Doo da da doo da da doo da da doo, da da doo da do, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 6:31, closed)

I'd have been Dave!
I'm Australian, I'd have quite happily shown up, Daved around a bit, been an obnoxious shit, hit on/otherwise offended her and then wandered off. She'd have NEVER wanted to catch up again.
( difficultchild, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 7:30, closed)

I shall remember...
...to contact you the next time someone needs a surrogate Dave.
(Vinnie Strokes Got bummed on, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 8:36, closed)

I'm not Australian...
but I'm a Dave. I would have told her great stories about the outback, barbecues, Ramsey Street, and shagging koalas.

(I've never been to Australia - but I bet there is quite a bit of Koala dicking going on)

Anyway... if you need a convincing Dave, I'd love to have a crack and am a brilliant liar.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 14:12, closed)

Sorry to be kill joy,
but if you liked her so much, why did you not just say that you wanted some time to yourself? If she truely loved you, she'd understand.
( currantbun is nubtnarruc backwards, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 9:16, closed)

Ah, a Bunbaryist!

(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 9:26, closed)

This is the first story I have read
that actually is a lie that gets out of control!

*click
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Tue 17 Aug 2010, 9:27, closed)

You get a click for spinning it out so desperately
but next time, just be blunt with the lass. Tell her to stop smothering you. Women actually like it when blokes are direct.
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:19, closed)

I wish I could say I spent these nights in a casino or a strip club to spice things up but the truth is I stayed home and drank beer while watching telly
Was Dave showing an omnibus of Mock the week?
(Sadarse works like Mist condensing mud flaps, Tue 17 Aug 2010, 13:48, closed)