Various nerd-rage.
Idiots. About 95% of the population at my last reckoning.

Specialised: Misuse of the English language.
[1] Have you not been able to work out the proper application of an apostrophe? Clue up or die in a fire you illiterate shit-whistles.
[2] These asinine, dog-groping spastics who depend on a spell-checker for everything they send. I am not going to consult with my manger, as that's a repository for a sleeping child you gormless preening cuntbelch.

Methods of transport.

I cycle AND drive. Therefore it is my lot to be visited with the screaming cretinisms of both sets of road users. For instance,

I'll be approaching a road junction, and will have occasionally have been overtaken by a car driver who gives me a realistic amount of space (thanks mate) but then decides to cut in to the fucking gutter while still being a good fifty yards from the signal. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY.

Mexican standoff at mini-roundabouts. Seriously, if this doesn't stop soon I'll stop paying attention to them and let darwinism sort it out. This is my opinion as a driver.

People asking for a quid or so to get the bus home.

I worked for a voluntary sector organisation for a few years and learned the hard lesson that the underprivileged are not somehow ethically more advanced. We worked with homeless people and with the exception of a few people that seriously wanted to elevate themselves, our stock-in-trade was tards who were going to turn to shit any place we could get them into and fuck up the chances of other people that potentially weren't as morally devastated.

It was about the time that our organisation had to pay out about £120 for industrial gauntlets to clean up a place that had turned into a drugpit - the fourth time that month - that I decided that enough was enough.

Move forward several years and you get continually asked by the SAME FUCKING LOSERS who fucked over other disadvantaged people for more subsistence money.

Most people have hardship in their life. Some deal with it. Some milk it. Most of us are somewhere in the middle, but I get particularly annoyed when I'm stopped for "a couple of quid for the train home" by someone that cost us a few hundred quid and who definitely lives at the bail hostel 250 yards away.

The word disgusting.

One of my cow-orkers has a habit of labelling anything they disagree with the epithet "disgusting".

Fuck off and die. That's not an argument, that's a statement of visceral response. Treating it as a statement of all that is well and good is simply opening you to the criticism of being a parochially minded thickie.

Either argue using actual concepts, or regress to your six year-old nature and say "eeeuuurrggh... that smells like poo" to any questions about the French or proportional representation. You'll make your position quite clear and save some time.

Kids in offices.

New parents. Sorry to burst your balloon, but your newly squeezed out cuntburp isn't a joyful little tyke but a whining, farting distraction for those of us that are trying to work. If you really wish to inflict its presence on your colleagues, meet up in one of the family friendly fun pubs that are sure to abound and let the rest of us ignore the fact that you have made the unsurmountable achievement of curling off a sprog. Before I decide it's time to bring my flamethrower in to work, you sad flaccid breeding pisswits.

People who use REPLY TO ALL. There is no punishment painful enough. Corollary: People who send out ANY FUCKING powerpoint presentation or those who resend fake virus warnings and make themselves the vector of malshit as a result. Pat yourself on the back guys, you're braincripples.

People with umbrellas. You fucking preening, self-important dickstains occupy between two and three times the width of your body just so your fucking hair doesn't get wet. Seriously, if I get jabbed in the side of the head by one of you cretins one more time, I'll drub you about the head until your face is a bag of pulpy mush and the twitching stops. And walk at a proper speed or get out of the way.

Women with pushchairs. I'd rather stomp over your gurning brat than get out of your way. Care to make this decision less life-threatening for your offspring?

Hen nights. IT'S BEEN DONE BEFORE, you hooting, braying buffoons. Now piss off to the nearest Wetherspoons and save us from your oh-so-zany antics.

There will be more, but the veins in my head are standing out like angry purple hosepipes.
(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_ =o.o=, Sat 3 May 2008, 0:24, 5 replies)

Umbrellas
The worst part is when they insist on walking under any any available shelter with their huge fucking golf umbrellas still up, forcing us to decide if we'd rather walk in the rain or lose an eye.

How much drier do they think they are going to be?
(Dai Napoleon, Sat 3 May 2008, 0:47, closed)

Actually, a manger is a thing out of which farm animals eat.
That's why it was remarkable that Jesus slept in one.
(The Ghost of Stephen Foster, Sat 3 May 2008, 1:56, closed)

You're
a bit of a miserable fucker really aren't you? :-D
(Cluckles, Sat 3 May 2008, 4:46, closed)

hmm
Have I missed some sort of pun with cow-orker?
(lei, Sat 3 May 2008, 9:52, closed)

Aye, pretty much a miserable cunt.
Yes, cow-orker is a pun - as popularised by Scott Adams. Which will give you a bit of an idea of the mouth-breathing buffoons with which I work.

While I'm on, I'll add the computer clueless in an office environment. Once a week on average, I'll be approached by some apologetic git who comes out with 'I closed my work but didn't save it, can it be recovered', or 'I downloaded this file but don't know where I put it'.

Now I'll appreciate that not everyone wants to eat, sleep and breathe computers (although I won't say they're NOT weirdos), but this is a deeper malaise. This is people who are being wilfully and deliberately ignorant.

But let's put this into perspective. In our office we hire people to work on computers for a good 50% of their working day, maybe 75% even. Day in, day out. And surely it's not unreasonable to expect that people are not actively trying to unlearn any computer-related fact that manages to seep into their consciousness?

If you had the same low barriers to entry for office work in every other profession (including those where being maimed is an occupational hazard) we'd rid ourselves of the stupid sector of the population within months.

Who's with me?
(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_ =o.o=, Sat 3 May 2008, 11:21, closed)