Here's a rant all us male computer geeks can identify with: Pron!
Why of why oh why when all you want is a quick knuckle shufty to empty the ballbags do they put such unneeded and irrelevant padding on it like long plot points, kissy huggy scenes, and then do that bloody thing where they keep the bit where they actually fuck till the very last fucking minute. It has like a 5 second moment when it's actually quite good, and then it's about as passionate as a mormon making babies for jesus as they go through that multi shot 'obviously added later when nobody cared anymore' routine of above, side and below, and none of it even matches, and most of it isn't actually involving any sex, just lots of gurning faces and noise, so you end up closing your eyes and making it up yourself like you should have done in the first place.

FFS, surely what every bloke, regardless of their individual sexual preferences, wants to see happen is people FUCKING!! Snogging, cuddling, chatting, the gawd-awful music and badly acted scenes about as convincing as Tom Cruise being in love with a woman again, it's all bollox isn't it? It's the 'director' trying to convince himself this all takes some skill and one day he'll be seen like Spielberg, well newsflash mister, no you won't, because you're a purveyor of durty filth, and you can't even manage to get that right, you useless fuckwit.

Here's a thought porn industry people, why not try sticking two or more of your finest mucky bastards into a room, preferably ones who actually find each other sexually attractive and have some tread left on the tyres, then set up a camera and get them to screw the arse off each other like they actually mean it while you film it.

End of shooting script.

That I might actually pay for!

*obligatory unconvincing retraction at the end* Not that I ever use it, obviously, I am in fact such a sex god I would never need it, but my friend, erm, Bob, he showed me some, and, erm, don't touch that towel!
( ..wil, Mon 5 May 2008, 13:33, 7 replies)

i only watch porn for the plot

(Foulkesy123 The one and only..., Mon 5 May 2008, 13:40, closed)

And teh magazines for the articles?

( ..wil, Mon 5 May 2008, 13:40, closed)

there aren't enough
good breast shots in porn these days
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 5 May 2008, 13:42, closed)

of course ;)

(Foulkesy123 The one and only..., Mon 5 May 2008, 13:42, closed)

.. .. ...
allegedly I should add.
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 5 May 2008, 13:42, closed)

*chortles at Halfy*
Plenty double penetration scenes tho, eh?

So I hear... ;)
( ..wil, Mon 5 May 2008, 13:46, closed)

WiL
I wouldn't know about that, and if there weren't enough you wouldn't see me posting about it on a forum like this.

more breast fondling please!
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 5 May 2008, 13:50, closed)