Personals
I've dabbled in the realms of internet dating in the past, because I figured that I could weed out the interesting lasses from the fuckwits without investing in copious amounts of vodkas and coke, although I learned a few lessons. Words to watch are:

Ambitious = will bore you to tears about their career and who's toes they've stamped on along the way to get there
Outgoing = Promiscuous
Spirited = will get into a fight en route to date (yes, I've seen it happen).
Australian = all of the above
Likes keeping fit = Has been to the gym once in five years
Kind hearted = Recently dumped and on the rebound
Bit mad = Quite boring
Enjoys a drink = Wants you to fund an evening of piss artistry
Loves animals = Desperately wants kids, but has cats instead
Loves kids = Has four, wants someone - anyone - to pick up the tab
Has photo of Peugeot 206/Mini on profile = desperately boring. Avoid at all costs
Where have all the nice men gone? = All the men in the locality are wise to me and give me awide berth
Enjoys good wine = Enjoys Lambrini, by the bucketload
Likes to travel = went to Ibiza once
Loves films = Loves chickflicks about someone's new pair of shoes which ramble on for hours and star Hugh Grant
Loves books = as above but in paperback
Caring = Potential stalker
Bubbly = Will get on your tits
Pic shows closeup of bodypart = If all they've got going for them is a fuzzy image of tit or arse, would YOU want to get to know them?
Nursing professional = Will drink you under the table and indulge in frightening levels of debuchery
Ladylike = carries brick in her handbag
Lives in Canvey Island = smells

Before you're put off using t'internet in search of meaningful conversation, I should say that I've met one or two ladies who are actually very nice and who have become friends of mine.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 13 Sep 2007, 16:02, Reply)