I'm going to pearoast this, it seems appropriate for this QOTW.
(I've updated a little too, having been rescarred for life by a chatlog I found).

About a year and a half ago I decided to look up an old schoolfriend, and asked my friend Bob for her email address. I add this address to MSN and the next time "she" signs in I'm greeted by "Mark finds himself lost in all his work. Need a friend... for ;) :P".

Hmm. Maybe Tori's boyfriend has been at her screen name, so I message anyway asking if I have the right person.

The answer comes back in Dutch, and my friend is definitely NOT Dutch, so I reply "really sorry but I don't speak Dutch, do you speak English?".

The conversation then went as follows:

Random Dutch guy: who are you then?
Me: I'm ... me. I think I must have added the wrong addres. Sorry.
RDG: do you like to play? i am Mark's sister
Me: that's nice.
RDG: I watch Mark and his gf have sex from the wardrobe. you want to see cam?
Me: No. Really. Going now.
RDG: i love doing girls.
Me: That's nice. Listen, I have to go. Bye. *sign out*

I don't know why I didn't hit block then; perhaps I thought it was someone mucking about. Anyway, over the next few weeks this goes on (apparently the girlfriend and the sister were shagging and liked to pee on each other, wanted to pee on me, and wanted me to pee on them, how convenient, and then they all added me, on different email addresses with the same font and icon as him; how stupid did they think I was?) and 4000 webcam requests and one-sided conversations about peeing, buttsecks and stuff later, eventually I get to talk to the eponymous Mark:

RDG: do you have a mouse?
Me: A computer mouse? Yes. Duh.
RDG: put it in
Me: WHAT?! You freak!
RDG: no it would be good. then go downstairs and say goodnight to your parents.
Me: No way. Just that.
RDG: want to hear my voice?
Me. No.
RDG: you do, you know it
Me: No I don't. Leave me alone, I have stuff to do.
RDG: you added me by accident and now I love you. we are fated to be together.
Me: No, really, it was a mistake.
RDG: we should meet soon.
Me: NO.
RDG: my little english girl. i love you.
Me: NO. You don't. It was a mistake. Leave me alone.

Eventually, I blocked him, but ever since then I get Dutch addresses trying to add me, and the odd email from "SexyBabes" or "FunkyHunks" which as far as I can work out are Dutch dating/porn sites. So if you ever meet a Dutch guy called "Stronkie" online, you don't know me, you've never heard of me and you don't have a mouse. For your own safety.

EDIT: It turned out in the end I'd added "[email protected]" when I really should have added "[email protected]".
( Maladicta, Thu 13 Sep 2007, 22:00, Reply)