Never mind the fat chicks
Broadly speaking, there are six types of men on internet dating sites:

The Guilt Trip
I'm an ugly bastard. If you don't message me back, that means you're shallow. In fact, you should go out with me because if you don't, that means you're a bitch who judges by appearances. So go on. Prove that you're not like other girls. Make an ugly bloke's day. If you message me back, I'll love you forever. If you don't, I'll rape your auntie.

The Gold-Digger-Digger
I'm very rich and you're obviously a special lady. So special in fact that this message is just for you. Of course I haven't cut and pasted it and sent it to every 18-24 year old in London. No. You're special. I've got a Porsche.

The Conscientious Profile-Reader
I see that you like Monty Python. I too like Monty Python. I see that you have an interest in mathematics. I took a math class in high school. I have to admit, I know little about classical music but I do love to listen to Classic FM late at night. We obviously have much in common.

The Cyber
ur well fit u wana chat?

The Potential Soulmate
I recently read your profile and felt touched by your presence. Two brilliant minds can find solace together as we pass through the vast space alone inside our eyes gazing for eternity in endeavour to turn as we speak above the waters under our feet.* If you don't message me back I'll probably slit my wrists.

The Sensitive Type
I'm a sensitive guy, not like the others. I cry when I watch Forrest Gump. I cry when I watch Tom and Jerry. In fact, I cry pretty much constantly since I'm such a sensitive type. When I'm not blubbing over Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, other hobbies include saving abandoned orphans and writing poetry. Yes, I really think you're going to go weak-kneed over some buffoon who spends his free time penning execrable poetry.

Then there's the language. Internet dating has its own language.

Adventurous = Enjoys participating in golden showers and worse
Uninhibited = Nudist
Sensitive = Psychopath
Wanna chat sometime? = Wanna have cybersex sometime?
ur stunning = I've only looked at your picture
Looking for a special lady = Looking for a pretty but dumb lady
No fat chix = I really haven't given any thought as to how this might be interpreted by today's women who think anything above a size 8 is "fat"
I hate writing about myself = I'm trying to sound charming and modest
I have a webcam if ur interested = Dear God, don't even go there

*This is an actual message I once received
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Mon 17 Sep 2007, 10:00, Reply)