A real phobia of mine
Dancing.

Seriously.

I have lousy coordination to begin with, and have never had a good sense of where my body parts are in relation to one another. I am physically incapable of a simple cartwheel, I cannot dive, I can't stay on a skateboard... so dancing is out of the question.

Generally I make light of it. "Dance? Thanks but no, I really don't think you'd want me to do that. The last time I did, people called 911 and tried to keep me from swallowing my tongue while they shoved phenobarbital down my throat. It's very embarrassing."

But in truth, it's not a light matter to me. I really am terrified of dancing because I really do look like a fool when I try. Going to a club where there's dancing gives me Teh Fear in a very big way.

*sigh* No wonder I could never pull...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:08, 20 replies)

*Click*
Ha ha - that reminds me of when I was petrified of dancing (well mainly been laughed at dancing)when I used to go to trendy clubs.
Now I just go to rock clubs and mosh. Problem solved!
( DUMBLONDE is a rubber lover girl, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:13, closed)

Ahhh... Loony
Everybody knows that alcohol solves this problem.
I know I can't dance, but once drunk I believe myself to be a black version of Will Smith, or possibly Bradley from S Club 7.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:14, closed)

This!
This is part of the reason I am so utterly useless in nightclubs.

Dancing is something I've been terrified of since primary school. I wonder if there's some deeply buried memory of some horrible dancing accident.....

I remember being forced to do the timewarp. That was unpleasant.

I can do the slow, holding on to someone dance, but there isn't much call for that in the places I frequent :P
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:16, closed)

Alcohol doesn't help
Nosirrybob. I'm similarly devoid of confidence when I go out- sober or drunk or anywhere in between.

Though I don't seem to be quite so bad when there's someone else to dance with. It's just that annoying standing-alone or standing-as-part-of-a-group-but-still-just-
standing-there thing that I can't manage.

Similarly, I'm not anywhere near as bad when at home or at work. Weird, eh?

Edit: What's wrong with the Timewarp?!
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:20, closed)

The easiest dancing of all
is to the Jesus and Mary Chain, where you just lie down on the floor and look vaguely bored...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:23, closed)

Dances with "moves"
are easier but I still feel stupid doing them :P

The holding on slowly and walking about a bit dance is ok, I quite like that, but any other kind, no.

I did once accidentally start a conga in a local pub though, I didn't expect anyone to join.... I conga'd to the bar and then just stopped, and the person behind me took over as leader :P
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:26, closed)

I didn't think I could dance...
Until I ended up in an r'n'b club in Windsor, with a huge number of female friends, and ended up drunk on a vast number of beers...
All I remember from that night is some 40-year-old woman reaching for my crotch, which I stopped, nearly getting beaten up in the toilets by some squaddies, and groping the arse of some girl I was dancing with, which I'm not happy about.

Moral of the story is stick to rock clubs, and drink spirits.
( Cawl, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:26, closed)

I have had a traumatic dancing experience
which probably worsened (but didn't start) my hatred of dancing.

My ex's sister had an 18 birthday party, at which my drink was spiked.

The only three flashback memories I have are of my mum trying to make me drink water, doing the worlds largest pee in the street outside the hall.....

and a group of people chanting my name over and over and over as I danced like a complete idiot in front of my then fiancee's entire family.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:31, closed)

haha
I feel for you, but one thing you should do is just watch everyone else dance, they always look like pricks, it's rare that you find people that can dance, especially girls!

Then what you need to do is go dance by the people who dance worse than you, thus making you look relatively good in comparrison! :) :)
( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:44, closed)

@Bert Monkeysex
"I believe myself to be a black version of Will Smith"

hahaha, is there a white version then?
( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:46, closed)

Hehehe
one of my mates is generally quite a good dancer, the other is just rubbish but he just doesn't care.

I just hover around near the bar and head-bob.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:50, closed)

A friend of mine
dances when he gets wasted enough and has a great time doing so and always has fond memories afterward- but he dances like a little kid at a Raffi concert. You know, shaking his butt back and forth, fists punching the air, spastic motions with his feet... but he has such a great time doing it that he's fun to watch.

I, on the other hand, am not fun to watch. Painful is a better word for it.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:53, closed)

I have a friend
who looks a bit like "Sad Sack" from the raggy dolls.....

His party piece is to get up any time Tom Jones/Hot Chocolate/any kind of sexy music at all comes on and start stripping.

He went the full monty once. Almost got barred.

It is very amusing at the time, but having to help him re-dress himself is not.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 18:14, closed)

Hehe!
Although I can dance. I much prefer to do the horizontal two step, If ya know what I mean ; )
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 18:30, closed)

Crikey!
Lol I used to know that one, I've forgotten the steps these days :P
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 18:54, closed)

That reminds me...
Many years ago my wife and I took the kids to Myrtle Beach SC, and as we entered town we saw signs for a shagging competition. As I'm sure you all know, shagging isn't really mainstream American slang- in this case it referred to a form of dance. However, even then I knew of the English connotations of the term.

So when we went past a hotel that had a sign out that said "Shaggers welcome" I got a case of the giggles...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 19:00, closed)

Hahahaha
They put the same sign up outside the local nightclub here every friday and saturday! I've never seen it, but the amount of shaggers in the place leads me to assume they do :P
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 19:21, closed)

Fear of dancing...

Was the reason I joined a band. Problem was, I couldn't play any kind of instrument either.

So I had a choice...Learn to play an instrument or continue dancing like a spackwit for the rest of my life.

Easiest decision of my life was to skive off multiple lessons at school and teach myself basic piano as fast as possible

It took about a week. Picturing my chronic dancing skills was hugely motivating

The rest...is history.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 19:41, closed)

Loon?
Are you my brother?
(maggotriddendirtbox fast, feral and sharp as a tack since, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 23:22, closed)

You could be 'octopus man'.
I patented this, I dance like I'm on fire, and in doing so I can goose every woman within reach.
(Vic Flange, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 17:21, closed)