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This is a question What's the hardest you've tried to get dumped?

Groovypoodle writes, "My mate once told his girlfriend that he didn't think it was working only for her to laugh and tell him he was hilarious. Saying she was 'too weird' and 'slightly violent' and that he didn't like her was equally hilarious. Ripping off her wing mirror, throwing it through the windscreen
and storming off in a huff merely generated an apology from her a week later..."

Just how hard have you had to work to get someone to take the hint and stay dumped?

(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 10:33)
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HLT’s guide to How Not To Break Up With Someone (antithesis to CHCB’s earlier post)
1. Say “It’s not me, it’s you”.

2. If you can be bothered to wait a few months between deciding to break up and actually breaking up, buy some flower seeds and plant them in your dumpee’s garden to spell out the following phrase “YOU’RE DUMPED, LOSER, AND YOUR NAUGHTY BITS ARE GENERALLY UNSATISFACTORY”. Begonias or pansies are the best to use for this as to present someone with these means “I hate you and wish unpleasant things to happen to you” in the language of flowers. ensuring that your spellage and grammery is correct before planting in order to avoid picky types picking on you for not being perfick

3. If breaking up at Christmas, make one of those homemade crackers. Instead of putting in a joke, write a little note of hatred for the recipient to find whilst feasting on figgy pudding and being festive.

4. Take out a full-page advert in the national press declaring your love for Eamonn Holmes.

5. Hide in a cupboard in Japan for a year. The embarrassment and publicity when you are found will be enough to make anyone scarper.

6. Buy cushions and embroider them with the component letters of the sentence “I don’t like you any more, goodbye” and scatter them about randomly in the living room. Eventually they will arrange themselves in the right order and your boyfriend/girlfriend will read them and leave.

7. Stop showering and washing your clothes.

8. And finally – gentlemen, don’t say it with flowers, say it with wasps.

That is all.

[edited for the grammar police]
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 13:47, 21 replies)
HAHHAAAA!
Brilliant, Eamonn Holmes AARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 13:48, closed)
say it with wasps
*click*
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 13:50, closed)
"...YOUR GENITALIA IS..."
For grammar like that, I'd dump you in a flash.


What kind of school did you go to?


Oh.


One that employed me as a teacher. I see.
(I helped save b3ta! Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 13:51, closed)
@ enzyme
good.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 13:52, closed)
Er...
"genitalia" is a plural noun, therefore it should read "genitalia are".

I think that was Enzyme's point.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 13:59, closed)
*grumbles*
No cake for you lot.

*takes cake away*

And I have did changes on them so *blow's raspberry's'ies*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 14:00, closed)
Enzyme?
I'm dumping you.
In a flooded quarry, with concrete boots on
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 14:01, closed)
can't say for sure
but I reckon that paraphenalia and regalia are plural, like media

and data
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 14:03, closed)
*clicks*
"Hiding in a cupboard in Japan" Brilliant!

You need to make sure when you come out of the cupboard you blink at the bright lights and the waiting paparazzi cameras and then pretend you weren't aware the war had ended.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 14:06, closed)
My understanding
is that paraphernalia is singular, in that it is a group or collection of articles.

Regalia could be seen as either the individual articles (so plural) or as above, therefore singular.

Enzyme, chickenlady - over to you.

Edit - media and data are definitely plural. Medium and datum are the singular forms.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 14:06, closed)
Oh, lord...
What have I started?
(I helped save b3ta! Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 14:08, closed)
@Enzyme
Dunno. Have you invaded Poland?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 14:10, closed)
Haha!
I'll invade your Po-land.

*cringes*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 14:13, closed)
@K2k6
you're right - I have a paraphenalia myself.
(dadadali has hybrid vigour, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 14:17, closed)
*looks at Kaol*
*destroys Kaol*
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 14:18, closed)
still smirking
at the idea of Enzyme dumping someone in a flash.

(And thanks for the CV, Dr E... I imagine you'll get called for interview.)
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 14:19, closed)
@CHCB
*ahem*
(I helped save b3ta! Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 14:24, closed)
.
"gentlemen, don’t say it with flowers, say it with wasps"

Brilliant! I was getting ready to click but that last line drove me over the edge and I clicked my mouse right through the desk.
(I helped save b3ta! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 17:31, closed)
I love this HLT!
*clicks*

*senses the tension between CHCB and Enzyme*

*backs away, slowly*
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 9:03, closed)

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