Not my finest hour
And not I confess a very funny story either. My parting from my previous girlfriend is an abject lesson in twattish, immature stupidity.

I was 18 she was 16 and the younger sister of a friend of mine. To this day I don't regard myself as a shining beacon of maturity but nine years previously I was considerably worse. I liked having an attractive and funny person around all the time for sex on tap- but I also wanted to shag anything else that showed willing as well. What I should have done was admit this to her and go on my way, cock in hand to see what I could do. What I did instead was just see what I could get away with, initially without telling her and then involving her as well. To my shame, she followed me into a number of firsts.

Initial use of various drugs- err yes. Which led to;
Gaining of brown wings- yes
Threesome with an ex, ex girlfriend- yes
Threesome with a (male) schoolmate- yes
Taking photos that I suspect would land me in jail had I not since burned them- yes.

All of which was interspersed by random bouts of infidelity. Through all this, she stayed. Throughout, she related to friends that it would pass and I'd be more like a conventional boyfriend. More than any of the acts above, I am embarrased that she actually seemed to love me because looking back I certainly don't love the me from then.

Matters came to a head when she came up to see me at university and arrived on the saturday morning and had the door answered by a coursemate in my dressing gown. She'd paid to come up to university, she had been looking forward to seeing me and at a stroke, the reality of the situation hit home. The look I was given will probably survive the onset of Alzheimers. I feel shit just remembering it. She walked out of the door and we have not exchanged a word since- February 19th 2000.

I have since learned that she is has done very well for herself and her current boyfriend is a well adjusted and almost certainly not a cunt. I, in turn have been with Mrs Hatred for seven and a half years and have never once been unfaithful- perhaps I got it out of my system.

I've contemplated attempting to apologise but the longer ago those events transpired, the more I think I should leave it. I imagine she will be somewhat on the ball should she have to vet her daughters' boyfriends.

Length?- this went on for months.
(Leonard Hatred briefly did some work on, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 13:23, 10 replies)

Well...
If it was me, which it isn't, an apology might go some way to getting a bit of closure, although since I'm me and not your ex, that might be completely inaccurate, but speaking from experience I would really like someone I once knew to account for their twattish behaviour towards me because I still dream about it/him some years later even though I am happily togethered to mr hlt, and this sentence is far too long and Enzyme will probably chide me for it, but I don't care, and so the upshot is, I think you should apologise to your ex, and well done for being a nice person now as well.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 13:34, closed)

@hlt
*hugs*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:05, closed)

Yes, I agree with HLT
If you feel bad about it, you should apologize to her, but with the following two caveats:
1) Don't *expect* forgiveness. She may very likely slam the phone down, delete your email without responding, or respond harshly. If that happens, it's okay, at least you tried.
2) If there are other sordid details that she is still unaware of, keep them to yourself. Coming clean is nice and all, but at this point all it would accomplish is make you feel a little less guilty while making her feel a lot more hurt than before. If your purpose is to apologize for hurting her while getting your own, no need to continue that activity as part of the apology itself.
(chase, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:15, closed)

I disagree with you all.
If she's moved on and she's in a relationship again now, she probably has her closure, dragging it all up again may not be a good thing.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:19, closed)

@ Enzyme
gee, thanks!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:23, closed)

Time to sit on the fence methinks
Good post Leonard, well worth a click as I was in a similar situation a while back (I was a cunt and readily knew I fecked up two women due to this).

When I finally grew up and realised I was an asshole, I decided to apologise to the two women I hurt when I next saw them (none of this email shit I thought they deserved to hear it from me face to face).

The first of the two thought I was being a bastard and playing with her emotions, she totally freaked out and I left that meeting feeling that I had done more damage than if I had just left her alone, while the second one (The one I REALLY treated like shite) was pretty happy for the apology, we got talking again, I realised what I had let go, one thing has led to another and we are now married with 3 kids.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:48, closed)

My opinion
7 years has gone by. Leave the past dead. Nothing's to be gained by dragging it back up.
( I_Was_Mordred, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:56, closed)

"The look I was given will probably survive the onset of Alzheimers."

(negative armadillo There never was much hope..just a fool's hope., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 15:08, closed)

My ex has tried to gain contact
and apologise to me numerous times, but I'll be fucked if I want to know.
Perhaps it's not really fair to say that your ex won't want to know either, but I know that she's just trying to contact me to make herself feel better.
I suppose the difference is that you want to apologise because you hurt her, while my ex is just looking to make herself feel better.
As such, ignore me :)
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:03, closed)

my first thoughts
to this message was that if I were in your situation I would apologise. It was a while ago though but it may still be in her mind due to the age she was when it happened.
HLT - I still dream of my ex ex ex from 2001! Its shit isnt it.
(aberdeensfinest Life* (*for a limited time only), Wed 11 Jun 2008, 7:37, closed)