I used to be a bodybuilder
This might not seem like a position of power per se, but I was what Meat Loaf refers to in Fight Club as "a juicer". Started off with testosterone injections and eventually moved on to steroids. Testosterone is actually pretty cool. Muscle mass increases at an exponential rate, to the extent that you can see the improvement after just an hour in the gym (may have been power of suggestion, with hindsight, but it felt awesome at the time) and it makes your libido go fucking mental. All I wanted to do was shag and work out, work out and shag. I'd come back from the gym ready to fuck and as soon as we were done fucking I was back on the free weights. Amazing feeling, and I ate like a horse - so much meat, so much protein. Regular listeners will have detected that this took place when my girlfriend was not a vegetarian. Although that was the least of her concerns when I hit the steroids.

The only problem with testosterone - apart, before you say it, from the ludicrously, cariacature-style alpha male existence - is that it leaves you wanting more. And then one of your mates down the gym offers you 'roids, and you rip his arm off (not literally, although I probably could have at the time). Now steroids have got a bad press, partly because of idiots like Ben Johnson, but mostly because of the idea that they make your cock smaller. This is absolutely bollocks, but I must discourage you from their use nonetheless, because the six months of my life that I spent on 'roids are a cautionary tale.

I felt like a bull in a china shop all the time, like ALL the time. I was constantly pumped, constantly horny, constantly hungry. The reason why you see so many well-built guys with pot bellies is because they're not doing enough core exercise whilst they're using, and focusing on the arms. With hindsight, it's not a good look unless you're sporting some WWE gold around your waist. But the impractical musculature was the least of my worries. I was constantly starting pointless fights with my girlfriend, I got fired from my job, I had major fallings out with my family and most of my friends. The only people I felt could understand me were my fellows juicers downt he gym. A bunch of knuckleheads talking rubbish about how women should "just understand" and occasionally deviating into football and what Capello did wrong. Every bit as horribly cliched as you imagine.

I shouldn't have been surprised when I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me. In her position I'd have done exactly the same; she couldn't talk to me, she was too afraid to leave me lest I turn violent, of course she'd seek solace in the arms of another.

It may have been a BIT harsh to shoot them both, and the copper who came after me, though. Amazing how good the wi-fi is in a tent on the Northumberland moors.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 15:23, 13 replies)

Didn't work sorry

(viciousal, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 15:25, closed)

yep
Not RaoulMoatly funny
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 15:38, closed)

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Love it!!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 15:39, closed)

Boom-tish!
Hurrah!
(deadsetgav, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 15:46, closed)

hehe
Best pun this week. Fact.
( rofl harris, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 16:02, closed)

This worked :)

(viciousal, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 16:09, closed)

Excellent

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 16:16, closed)

Thank you
Not my creation but such an ideal post to recycle it on ;)
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 0:08, closed)

Haha
tad dum, tish!
(mobi I completed the Internet on 'hard'. Twice., Fri 9 Jul 2010, 11:23, closed)

6th word kind of gave it away
back to the dancefloor with you, queery.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 16:16, closed)

had me to the end
you man you.
(waxdart hello., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 17:40, closed)

"I felt like a bull in a china shop all the time, like ALL the time"
So you pranced around daintily, taking great care to not knock anything over?

/mythbuster
(WillF http://www.flickr.com/photos/silverfischdotnet/, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 17:47, closed)

that was brilliant
there was a lump in my throat.
(knackerz is skinning up, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 15:23, closed)