Walking briskly home...
...late at night, when I suddenly notice a lone woman up ahead. The only sounds are the click-clacking of her heels and the rhythmic swish of my jacket against my hips.

Suddenly I am dreadlocked Predator with shoulder-mounted canon and infra-red vision. I lock on to target. My penis stiffens. A sensation of absolute power courses through me.

Actually no, it doesn't. I hate this situation, especially when the woman happens to be going the same way as me. I'm inevitably walking faster than they are and I know that at some point must come THE OVERTAKING. That hideous moment causes the fear I know they are feeling to infect me like a contagion, flooding my system with unwelcome, sobering adrenalin.

So many times I've been tempted to shout, "Don't worry, love! I'm not a rapist!" But they might think it's a double-bluff. Equally, crossing the road just makes it look like I'm seeking a better vantage point to assess her before closing in for the kill.

Does anyone know what the etiquette is for such situations?
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 17:21, 22 replies)

When you get near
start running and run a good few hundred yards past. But then that makes it look like you're lying in wait.

Alternatively, stop and pretend to make a call, thus giving her chance to get a lead on you.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 17:29, closed)

But they're always so bloody slow and
I'm always so drunk and tired. I think the running idea's a good one though... Just get it over with quickly like a nasty injection.

If they think you're lying in wait then that's their own paranoia and your social responsibility not to scare the bejesus out of them no longer stands.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 17:33, closed)

Hahaha
I'd just go for the shouting "I'm not a rapist". You'd get a giggle from me :D
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 17:30, closed)

I try to make sure they see my face.
So I'll walk under streetlamps, or whatever. I tend to overtake them on the other side of the road, if possible, and then walk faster and always in their view.
To put it simply: I have no idea either -- but I try not to look like I'm disappearing to hide in wait and try to show my face so it may look less like I'm about to commit a crime. Oh, shit, what if they then think I'm going to kill them?!
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 17:57, closed)

Basically...
unless you're prepared to be the ultimate gentleman and take a circuitous route home, you're between a rock and a hard place.

Perhaps the thing to do is pretend to fall over and injure yourself so that they perceive you as less of a physical threat. That could work...
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 18:10, closed)

Alternatively
You could camp it up outrageously and *demand* to know where they bought their shoes as you walk past.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 18:47, closed)

^ ^
This. Brilliant solution!
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 11:14, closed)

Easy!
wait until a policeman walks by the other way. They will assume you are acting suspiciously, and engage the woman in conversation, and, while the two are having the little chat about how creepy and suspicious it is for you to walk down the street, you can pass her rather easily. Best of all, she won't even feel threatened because the nice policeman is there to protect her from YOU.

Sorted.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 18:59, closed)

Yeh I can't resolve that one either
best to just forget it n get home I find, n hope she hasn't got a tazer.
( ..wil, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 19:05, closed)

I was going to say
that I can't see any other solution, you'll just have to rape her. But I would fear the wrath of the ladies on here as I realise that I'm not posting on Sickipedia.
(Blue_in_Exile, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 19:34, closed)

Damn, that's the solution I was going to post.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 20:42, closed)

As
you take over, walk as far from the side of the person as you can get without being in the road (if its a busy road).
I always feel a bit at ease if the person isn't directly at my side or right behind me.
Even if its another woman, if its at night i still feel a bit uneasy sometimes.
(FootOfTim, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 19:40, closed)

Whistle something cheery
like 'duelling banjos'
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 19:45, closed)

I believe it may have been Ben Elton
who came up with the following solution to the impending overtaking dilemma:

As you near her, shout "RUN!".
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 19:49, closed)

Etiquette for such a situation (edited)
You should never pull your balaclava down over your face until there's noone else about, and preferably when you're in shadow, away from streetlights.

Oh, and never remove your gloves, even though administering the syringe-full of rohypnol may be difficult. Latex gloves are better than thick leather gardening gloves for this very reason.

And never, never, NEVER sniff the chloroform-soaked rag yourself. Sleepy-time trumps rapey-time, every time.
(IHaveComeAmongThee__Twice Tissues on the left. Self-esteem on the right., Fri 9 Jul 2010, 20:17, closed)

In short:
Yes, cross the road.

I'm really fighting the urge to put naughty things down as a response, but yes, cross the road.
( Claws of Doom I am no longer infected, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 22:58, closed)

Glad it's not just me!
Yeah, just cross the road.

Or make a fake phone call to your fake wife and kids.
(Cloudane, Sat 10 Jul 2010, 1:19, closed)

just the tip

(goorf, Sat 10 Jul 2010, 4:02, closed)

"oh no!
... now he's pretending to make a phone call!"
(haberman is singing in the changes, Sat 10 Jul 2010, 16:36, closed)

Stop worrying about it.
It's not really your problem.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Sat 10 Jul 2010, 15:10, closed)

I just avoid leaving the house all together.
Thus avoiding such difficult social conundrums.
(hadr0n Craic whore, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 15:20, closed)

pull out your cellular telephone
And pretend to have a conversation along the lines of:
"I just can't get it up anymore, I'm sorry love."
Or my favorite, in as camp a voice as you can muster, "But Jerry, you said it felt SO GOOD, are you sure you're not gay?"

Tried and true.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 22:31, closed)