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This is a question Pretentious bollocks

Possibly the worst event I ever went to was an evening of turntablists in London. The lights went down, the first guy put a cymbal onto a turntable, dropped the needle on it and left it making screeching noises for ten minutes.

When the lights came up, half the audience had snuck out.

What's the most pretentious rubbish you've ever been to see in the name of art?

(, Wed 28 Sep 2005, 14:19)
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Guy Ritchie's Revolver
I've just seen Revolver and I'm very pissed off about it. Mr Gold, my friends have patiently explained, is a concept - a man who lives in your head and makes you do naughty things for no real reason. His greatest trick is making you believe you're him. So how did he get there?

Plus it fucks up the rest of the film, which was alright, actually. Examples:

So the American guy is buying a load of crack from the Chinese, right? And he needs all the crack for a deal he's doing with Mr Gold. But if Mr Gold is all in his head, what the fuck is he leaving a big pile of drugs in his casino safe for? Surely he knows that there's no point in buying it? Mr Gold isn't real, but that crack certainly is.

And if Mr Gold isn't real, then who the fuck is the Yoko Ono lookalike who keeps popping up and doing things for him? She can't work for somebody who's not real. In fact, I doubt she gets an entourage of sixteen people and a mansion-like house from having an employer who isn't fucking real.

I don't mind films being used as metaphors, but what the fuck is with this guy? It's entirely inconsistent, utterly rubbish, and mostly not even that well directed.

Just to top off the pretentious bollocks, the ending is an entirely blank screen with a load of slow piano music playing. It doesn't tie anything up. It's just a piano playing a vaguely sombre thing.

And what's the deal with the CGI bits? If I wanted to watch CGI people shooting each other I'd stay at home and play Quake.

And who's the guy who decides to shoot everybody? What's his story? Why's he go and decide to do that? Did anyone pay him to do that? If not, why did he do that?

And what happened to the chinese guy? Did he get shot by the mental bald chap, or did he get tortured to death by the Americans at the end? If he didn't, who DID get tortured at the end?

Guy Ritchie pretends to be all arty and independent and British but all his film did to me was confuse me and make me go "Wayhey!" when people shot each other. Repeated scenes of chessboards and men spouting philosophical nonsense doesn't make a good film.

Why the fuck call a film Revolver if it's not REALLY about people getting shot, anyway?

I'd say sorry for length and spoilers but I don't actually care.
(, Sat 1 Oct 2005, 0:36, Reply)

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