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This is a question Pretentious bollocks

Possibly the worst event I ever went to was an evening of turntablists in London. The lights went down, the first guy put a cymbal onto a turntable, dropped the needle on it and left it making screeching noises for ten minutes.

When the lights came up, half the audience had snuck out.

What's the most pretentious rubbish you've ever been to see in the name of art?

(, Wed 28 Sep 2005, 14:19)
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This question is now closed.


simple as...
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 15:03, Reply)
To Brandy butter builder
I think that those two men were probaly making half that stuff up because if they were that well off why were they on a bus? But they are defiantly pretentious.

Half the contestents on Xfactor have to be pretentious, especially when they go "I'm the best" no...your fucking shit.
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 14:14, Reply)
Any theatre play .......
..... that on it's flyer declares it'self "Amazing new play!".......... I'll be the judge mate
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 13:55, Reply)
Know some whose name is spelt Karen but pronounced Car-ren
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 13:37, Reply)
Sushi in the UK...
Fucksocks. Coming back from Tokyo I know now that kai-ten conveyor belt sushi is the japanese equivalent of fish&chips (now wonder they live longer than us) and they charge you between 60p and 1.50 per plate.

how come they charge you 3 effing 50 for it here?

... i just realise how pretentious i must sound.

/walks off in humble way

edit: as for the asahi building i was told it's called the sperm...
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 13:34, Reply)
I just got this in an email from a client
...who shall remain nameless, but had me and my boss pissing ourselves in the office today:

Please can you update the product page as follows:

Can you remove "cool calm lightness of Celadon Ice" and replace with "the original and unpretentious Tranquil Indigo".

(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 13:16, Reply)
Hello, my name is Supernatural Jelly Window and I'm afraid I am a bit of a pretentious bollock. At least I know it and admit it.

I have to say, although I like to indulge in the wanky world of the prententious, I DO have an upper limit for such things. I have a lot of patience for wanky literature and music (Opeth are amazing) but not a lot for art. I have been to many college and Uni art shows and most of it is utter arse. For example, the girl who had an eating disorder and her 'art' was to frame her daily food diary and take pics of herself on the toilet. Niiice.

Why the sodding hell would anyone want to see that?! Feck off, you insecure little bumnugget.
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 13:08, Reply)
When pretention pays
I did Art at Foundation level, and the pretentiousness of both the tutors and students was unrivalled. In the long-run it killed my enthusiasm for art, and for that, I'm still pretty furious. Lord knows what it must be like at degree level.

Anyways, one of my major pieces was a hastily cut together video collage of random animation I'd done during the year, and to be frank, it was a big steaming tub of shite. In the session where we were obliged to justify our work prior to marking, it became clear that the tutors weren't particularly impressed, and I was in no mood for pissing about, having finished the editing at around 5 the same morning. So when asked to explain the flaccid work, from behind red eyes I simply bellowed: "How DARE you ask me to justify the art I make? You have no bloody RIGHT!" and marched out of the room.

I later learned that it was this defiant outburst that swung an improbably good mark for me, as "no artist should have to justify their work to anyone except themselves" as one tutor put it.

What utter, utter wankers.
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 13:04, Reply)
I was Pretentious
I was once accused of being pretentious by a fat burd who most certainly was Lisa Rileys heavier mongoloid sister.

I wasn’t pretentious I just didn’t fancy Jabba the Huts’ wrestling partner!

Hang on maybe I was being pretentious

Fuck me the sweaty one was right!
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 12:42, Reply)
Im off to the baltic tomorrow
Plus 7stories museum (looking forward to that)
Ill give my report in tomorrow
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 12:31, Reply)
I doubt any of you want to hear about
Timmy O'Danaos & Donna Ferentes, the charming couple I met in Portugal...

(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 11:42, Reply)
This post contains Manchester art-gallery type bollocks
Went to Manchester with my then-boyfriend. He dragged me to an art gallery. Me, trying to impress, pretended to enjoy this type of crap. I enjoyed the touchy-feely part of the gallery but then we got to the real stand-around-with-your-hand-on-your-chin-staring-at-nothing-and-nodding type stuff.

The room was dark apart from a number of pictures being projected onto boards which were arranged in a circle type thing. There were already some studenty-looking-type-people in the circle looking at the boards in wonderment. Me and the bf stand around trying to look interested. Everyone was quiet until I piped up and said "this is absolute bollocks" and grabbed my bf's hand and walked out. We stood outside the door and seconds after we'd walked out, the studenty type people walked out and said to me "yes, it is bollocks". Brilliant.

(never apologise for anything - it signifies weakness)
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 11:42, Reply)
Pure Art Degree Final Year Project
I went to the Southampton Institue of Slackers and Thickos in the early 90's (now called Solent Uni or something)
Anyway I was fairly friendly with this arty chap who was from the same home town as me. It turned out that this was the only thing we had in common. I went along to the exhibition of his final year project for fine art.... amongst all the strange sculptures that included lolly sticks and star wars figures there was some "live art"
One bloke's piece involved him stripping down to his boxers and running repeatedly into a bare white wall until he started bleeding and bits of spit, mucus, blood and other body parts were smeared on the wall - then he preceeded to varnish over the wall. I can't quite remember what all that signified. Anyway, the chap I knew had previously had some kind of eating disorder in the past and his piece was all about that. It involved him eating a whole kilo of caster sugar with a spoon while dressed in a pre-teen girl's nighty and vomitting the sweet slurry back into a bucket....that's it. When asked afterwards what I thought, I feigned admiration, made my excuses and left. I didn't fancy staying and seeing the results of the usual hors-d'oeurve and champagne offered at such events
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 11:28, Reply)
Pretentious names really fook me off.

These are name of people Ive met, generally girls, who think there being unique and its just a load of fooking shite.

How about Soozie instead of Suzie
Or Dannii instead of of Danny
Vici instead of Vicki
Or Ceri instead of Kerry

Oh and personalised number plates?
Using a 4 in place of a A, a 3 for an E.
Get a fooking life you closet chavs and if you've nothing else to do with your money either give it to charity or piss it up against the wall.
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 11:26, Reply)
Foreign Language students
Ones that have to show off that they're so damn good.

"I know a tongue-twister in French!"

Really? Blue Peter badge in the post.
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 10:19, Reply)
One god awful night
My parents have always brought me up to be 'cultured' and so have taken me to the theatre from when I was little. One week my mum finds there is a greek tragedy that she studied at school on at the local theatre starring Zoe Wanamaker (The mother in My Family and the flying teacher in Harry Potter). The tickets are bought but then the day of the show my mum falls ill. Nothing serious, just a cold so my dad and I go off to watch it on our own.
The show was the most painful thing I have ever seen. Three people on stage wailing about how some guy is bad so they should kill him and the morality and the beauty of life and the...you get the idea. But the story wasnt the worst part. The second to worst part was the fact that at the end of the play one of the actors was meant to put on a white mask and have (fake) blood drip onto it. The only way they could know exactly where to be to get dripped on, apparently, was to have a constant drip of water for the entire length of the play. Drip. Lots of wailing and running about. Drip. More wailing and talk of love and beauty. Drip. Gets a bit irritating.
There was something worse though. The over-the-top acting could be forgiven. The wailing (there was a huge amount of it) was survivable. You could just about get used to the dripping. The worst part was that there was no interval so there was no way to get out before the end. No escape. No half time drink to try and ease the second half. No forgetting the second half and getting a DVD instead. Instead, an hour and a half of mind numbing bordom.
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 9:24, Reply)
Can clothes be pretentious?
I live in Irvine (a region of the "OC") which is kind of posh. I'm used to seeing $40 plain white T-shirts (nothing on them, not even a frickin' logo or even some rhinestones) and lately I've been seeing $100 half-jackets (if I'm going to pay that much for a jacket I want the whole thing, thank you muchly), a $3500 purse made of fur cut in a zig-zag style, and an $800 purse that had about 20 lbs of chains on it that rendered it impractical (at least to me).

PS: If anyone's seen the movie "The City of Lost Children" you'll know why I started giggling uncontrollably at the sight of half a red and blue striped sweater courtesy of Gwen Stefani. There were also clothes designed by Robert Rodriguez but I don't know if it's the same as the Sin City director or some other Rober Rodriguez
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 8:57, Reply)
Assahi building in Tokyo
I find this juxtaposition between a quintessential Tokyo landscape and a not insubstantial golden protrusion particularly breathtaking :


Its more commonly known as the "shit-building" .. funnily enough.
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 8:41, Reply)
Pretentious hairstyles?
Can a hairstyle be pretentious.

All these cunts walking about with peacock style over elaborate hairstyles whilst wearing suit jackets and £200 jeans. Your not a popstar or a footballer you twat, you work in a office and want to pretend you are something better then you are.

(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 8:01, Reply)
I WAS the pretentious bastard
It was a battle of the bands here in the states, me and some friends made a "band" about a week before the thing. We did sound checks for about 15 minutes, started playing, stopped and staged a fight with our drummer, who left. Then we all switched around instruments as an excuse to why we sounded so terrible, then just played some chords and improved lyrics about people in the audience. Everybody hated us, but we thought it was hilarious because we f*cked with the whole battle of the bands thing my school was doing.
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 3:44, Reply)
Pretentious Bollocks
Pat Metheny's Zero Tolerance For Silence. 'Nuff said.
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 0:44, Reply)
General fuckwit
Not typical to the theme. I was once on a late night bus home to my mate's Uni campus years ago (I'm older now, and perhaps no wiser). I'd been trying to chat up a couple of lesbians, obviously to no avail, and got seperated from my mates. So I found myself alone, and somehow locked into an odd conversation with a couple of extremely well dressed sober blokes. Their dads were Harley street doctors. Somehow, it emerged that one of them was intending to begin work on 'his memoirs'. Bearing in mind he was wearing the sort of clothes that cost as much as some flats, and that he was in his mid-twenties, I couldn't help but think this rather pretentious.
"And then, when I was twelve, mummy wouln't let me buy those Versace earmuffs - all my mates had them - I cried and cried." Go home and shag the cat, you bastard.
(, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 0:43, Reply)
dance music

DJs - Why are there so many people that claim to be DJs? The world is full of them.

The question "When is/was your next/last paid engagement" shows them to be the self deluding liars that they are.

They fail to make the grade even as bullshitters.
(, Mon 3 Oct 2005, 23:25, Reply)
Anything made by modern dance groups.
It's all pretentious shite.

100% OF FACT
(, Mon 3 Oct 2005, 22:33, Reply)
Since we're on about actors mostly.....
I went to a professional theatre school -training as a techie. (To a techie, actors are lower than kiddy fiddlers.)
So many of the wanky, pretentious bastards but one always was singing, "What's it all about..". That's it, no more lyrics. Typical of the twunt. Plus the fact that he had the usual actor chip-on-the-shoulder; I'm better than you even if I can't act my way out of the arse of apantomime horse. Damn tosser.

Sorry, rant over. You had to be there.

Usual quip about fruitiness.
(, Mon 3 Oct 2005, 20:32, Reply)
Pretentious bollocks
My friend Benedict (A.K.A David, San Miguel... err no, no, no Stella.)
(, Mon 3 Oct 2005, 20:18, Reply)
Pretentious bollocks
In my long forgotten past I was a criminal defence lawyer in a piss poor northern town. One of the regulars at court was the most pretentious streak of piss that you could find; educated at Oxford don't yew know. Lost no opportunity telling everyone how clever he was.


One of my collegues was a timid little thing who now teaches the piano to kids. Lovely girl called Lucy. Made virtually no impression in the rather coarse world of the criminal fraternity due to a lack of swearing, lying and overt bribery but will allways be remembered for the following.

Following one of my clients going down for a very long time (deserved it, guilty as a chav) I was walking out of court between the pretentious streak of piss and Lucy and he rather loudly said something to me in Greek (not modern greek, oh no, but ancient, fucking, greek). Cue me looking slightly blank. Cue Lucy leaning across and saying uncharacteristically loudly "Right sentiment, wrong tense". Cue streak of piss going red. Cue much laughter.

For the next two years before I escaped that particular pergatory everything he said was greeted with the question "right tense?".

Toodle pip
(, Mon 3 Oct 2005, 19:18, Reply)
magnificent b*****ks
my old stomping grounds of Bristol and Bath are wondrous sources of total wank. One had a nice flyer, but we were subjected to three hours (no interval) of seven actors jumping out phone boxes shouting over each other and stripping off, spazz-inducing light shows, whilst projections of fast-forwarded cityscapes cut with pornography carried on over the top, as screeching german-techno trance of the kind even I can't stomach looped over the top. Three of us were violently sick afterwards due to our migraines.

Best of all though was a decomissioned chapel exhibiting artwork of bleeding vaginas and cellar-based performance pieces of naked people hatching out of paper maché. Fab.
(, Mon 3 Oct 2005, 17:52, Reply)
ley lines
my old stomping grounds of Bristol and Bath are wondrous sources of total wank. One had a nice flyer, but we were subjected to three hours (no interval) of seven actors jumping out phone boxes shouting over each other and stripping off, spazz-inducing light shows, whilst projections of fast-forwarded cityscapes cut with pornography carried on over the top, as screeching german-techno trance of the kind even I can't stomach looped over the top. Three of us were violently sick afterwards due to our migraines.

Best of all though was a decomissioned chapel exhibiting artwork of bleeding vaginas and cellar-based performance pieces of naked people hatching out of paper maché. Fab.
(, Mon 3 Oct 2005, 17:51, Reply)

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