I just found this on yahoo answers which I think takes the biscuit for any essay related procrastination.
"Who is socrates and why was he killed for just asking questions?
please tell me. i have a 2000 word essay due tomarrow".

What an idiot.
(you FUCKING *BANG* BANG*BANG* AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 1:15, 6 replies)

What amazes me about a question like that is that it's posted on the interwebs,
which is humanities most vast source of free information ever known ever, however, yet using it to learn something is apparently beyond some people.

It's rather like when that little animation was all the rage of Patrick Moore playing his Xylophone, and every other comment was Americans asking who he was.

GOOGLE IT!
( ..wil, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 1:53, closed)

I like the idea of
"To Marrow" being a verb.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 10:24, closed)

Shame the essay was due "tomarrow"
We could have really had some fun.

Socrates is a famous Brazilian soccer player from the 1950s who was secretly in the employ of Mossad...
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 11:59, closed)

Great reply!
I'd love to see a teacher's face on receiving that in an essay.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:24, closed)

That was brilliant :)
Made me larf like a tool!
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:45, closed)

just what i was thinking
of course, not about being brazilian, but contributing to a piece that could only draw angry teacher scowls, which are the worst of all scowls (in my experience). but i think with a B3ta collective effort, the student would be given an F grade, but the story would go on to be a box office smash. that would only leave plato (the oversized eggs of turkish brown flamingo's) on our faces.
(fatty_boomba did something really bad @, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 6:48, closed)