Sperm
My girlfriend wants to have my baby. Yay!!!

She's had a few problems with her lovely lady bits and as par for the course I have to have a few test carried out too to make sure I'm firing on all cylinders. General health assessment - check. Blood tests - check. Semen count - err, well, I actually kept putting that off. Not because I have a problem about wanking in public places, its more because the doctors gave me a number of a clinic on Euston Road to phone and sort out my own appointment. This was back in early September. I only got round to ringing them last week. I was supposed to go down there today armed with a fresh batch of my man juice for them to count, quaff, whatever they do with it.

I slept in. Got up late. Quickly knocked one out. (Your not allowed to cum for three days before giving them your best dairy produce, so that didnt take too long), and then legged it down to the tube with my man juice in a little container under my arm so I wouldnt miss my appointment.

I made the appointment - just, at ten thirty... Only my specimin didnt...

If you happen to be on the Northern Line, High Barnet branch today and see a small container containing what looks like spunk, well, yes, it is actually spunk...

Shit...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 11:31, 14 replies)

Haha
The possibilities of what could have happened to it are too terrible to contemplate.
( chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 11:33, closed)

There's a tramp somewhere in London
currently getting up the duff by you.

Better get your allowance money ready :D
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 11:37, closed)

Heh
Adds new meaning to the phrase:
"I came on the train..."

/kills himself
( snee held his breath since, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 11:40, closed)

Ring the lost property office
^^
(kebabking - salad and garlic mayo pls, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 11:43, closed)

And say:
"Did anyone come in with cum?"

My god...I should go home.
( snee held his breath since, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 11:52, closed)

Or I could ring lost property...
... to report some missing children. And when they ask me how many I'll say:

'Oh, about two million...'

Seriously though, my girlfriend is gonna kill me. But I've had a nice long think about it and I've come up with an amazing plan to get round my missing cum / girlfriend problem. I'm going to lie to her. Genius! And get the little soldiers looked at sometime next week instead.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 12:01, closed)

It's alright
I found it, counted your sperms and checked their mobility.

I'm afraid to say that what few sperms you do produce are more lazy than Kerry Katona. Your Mrs has more chance of getting pregnant if she inserts duracell up herself.

Sorry.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 12:00, closed)

^^
He means he ate it.
( snee held his breath since, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 12:16, closed)

Damn tasty it was too.
*gargles*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 12:46, closed)

o_O

( snee held his breath since, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 12:55, closed)

Nowt else for it -
you'll have to get a man in.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 12:07, closed)

Just
Tell your GF that the clinic rang and told you not to come today.
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:10, closed)

Aha
I see what you did there :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 16:03, closed)

Oh for heavens sake!!!
If you want a wank, just have a wank. It's your right. No point in thinking up complicated excuses.
(tinypod will never learn. Ever., Thu 20 Nov 2008, 16:07, closed)