Tennis Players
love means nothing to them
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 15:55, Reply)

hip hop artists
they get a bad rap
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 15:53, Reply)

Corn farmers
Stalkers
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 15:45, Reply)

Muslim artists
Can't make a prophet
(Corbo, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 15:37, 1 reply)

Mohammed
propheting from ignorance

(just going to ring Salman for advice)
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 15:35, Reply)

Any non-job advertised in the Guardian...
Take this one, copied word for word from the Guardian. It pays £60,000 a year of public money, yet appears to have absolutely zero purpose:

'The Governance and Risk Policy Advisor will work closely with the corporate secretariat department and the business planners to support the leadership of the regulator. The successful candidates will review and develop the current risk management framework and risk policy as well as providing the secretariat to the risk committee. The position will also develop and maintain a good working relationship with the internal auditors at the main site in London.'

WTF?
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 15:34, 5 replies)

Lawyers.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 15:31, 6 replies)

Parisian swimmers
in Seine
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 15:21, Reply)

Dog breeders
Fat bitches
(Corbo, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 15:19, Reply)

Archeologists
careers in ruins
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 15:16, Reply)

that German philosopher
Kant
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 15:10, Reply)

Trade Federation Assault Droids
3,000 of the bastards. All with a gun. All with a shot at killing Jar Jar Binks. Did any single fucking one of them manage it? No. What is the point?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 15:08, Reply)

People who write puns
They think they're really funny.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 15:04, 6 replies)

People who make parachutes
are always such a drag...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:59, Reply)

Fat Mathematicians
who ate all the pi's?
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:51, 2 replies)

Please fill in this "freedom to lead 360 Degree feed-Forward form"
It's not the Profession of "Project manager" that I despise, it's power-hungry incompetent arse-mops who seem to gravitate towards it en-mass that get my goat.

Now, the title I've used sounds like I've made it up from "management bollocks" but it is genuinely something that I received a few weeks ago. According to the accompanying e-mail it was a questionaire designed to create "empowered project managers".

The questionaire asked questions (that phrase is perfect.. I think I'll use it again) about whether certain individuals were capable of working with complex personalities, and essentially was trying to find out if they could hide their inabilities with different "project management techniques". It was repugnant.

The Role of project manger is to be a set of walls, doors and fences. They are simply there to organise and guide the people who are the specialists *without* trying some transparent pseudo group-psychology bullshit.

We have one here who epitomises the stereotype. We'd had a great meeting with the MD and top designers of a company not so long ago. Me and another of our top designers were there, bouncing ideas around and have a right laugh. Massive progress and a crucible of geeky engineering creation... and as we draw to an end Project Manager pipes up "Well, we'd like to thank you for your can-do attitude and positive way of thinking. It's clear that you have drive and passion for the project..... etc.

I don't how her misguided diatribe continued, because my attention was taken by the Managing director/chief engineer of this company - caught in the onslaught of shallow self-importance - both simultaniously face-palming.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:44, 1 reply)

Prisoners, especially when going down stairs
Condescending
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:40, 1 reply)

Door knob manufacturers
really brass me off.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Golfers
get caught in bad lies
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:35, Reply)

Zoo inhabitees.
Bunch of animals.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:23, Reply)

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH THE PUNS
MAKE THEM STOP! PLEASE GOD, MAKE THEM STOP! PLEEEEASE!!!
(McChinaman banned, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Examiners
Usliss, mark my words
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:58, Reply)

IDF commandoes
always jumping ship...
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Freudian psychotherapists?
In your dreams!
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:50, Reply)

rant alert
it does not even qualify as a profession but the slouching shrugging cocksure little cunts in electrical retailers make me glad i'm not allowed to carry a weapon. a few weeks i was looking for some speakers for my laptop - a temporary measure until my good ones emerged from some packing crates in a storage warehouse. while fiddling with a 'demo' model to get some sound through the pissing thing one saunters past in his Asda Roll Back interview ensemble: grey crumpled shirt, shiny trousers and those ridiculous pointy toed shoes the chavoscenti all seem to have been issued with lalely.

'Excuse me, this demonstration model doesn't seem to be working, could you help please'

'shrug' 'll get the bloke to look at it', off he meanders slackly masticating on his fetid gum

so i gave up on him and continued looking at various models plugging in cables etc where required

Then our dashing emissary returns; 'bloke that fixes um is on lunch - cn'a 'elp'

After a very brief yet explicit detail of what i was look for he beckons me away to the iPod docks.

'ees are quite good' he says cranking up the volume on a lurid dildo pink plastic iPod dock shaped like a pig

Really and where do i plug my laptop in?

'shrug'

'Do i look like i want a bloody pink plastic pig?

shrug

'Are you taking the piss?

It was at this point my wife gently guided me away. I had been polite and patient right up till then but she knows me well and decided then was a good point to draw my attention away to some new LCD televisions.

i hate those little cunts - pull your trowsers up get a proper job. Oh and another thing - you're not black innit.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:47, 2 replies)

Gambling gynecologists
think they have an ace in the hole
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:44, Reply)

I hate site mods
and the [mod edit: way they naughty step people for being a bit lippy?]
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:36, Reply)

I hate the people
whose job is to set the QOTW topics.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Doctors...
Each time I see one. All they ever do is run in, scream and shout a lot. Then waves his little magic wand about, ruins all our plans, and runs off again...the bastard.

- Dalek.
(Dante licked your nipple on, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:29, Reply)