A few years ago, I was a member of the university Real Ale society.
One of their more ambitious projects (which, unsurprisingly, was never completed) was to catalogue every pub in Leeds and hopefully find a few new real-ale boozers; a considerable task, as the city is about 15 x 8 miles and has a population of over 700,000. I volunteered to sample the pubs of west Leeds - Stanningley, Bramley, etc.; all well outside the student ghetto and more indicative of the real state of the city. As expected, the quality was extremely variable. The highlight, though, was a boozer on Armley high street called the Royal Hotel.

In my whole life, I have never felt quite as much on edge as I did on entering the place. There was a bar in the centre, spread across two rooms; one with a pool table, one with a stage for bands to play on. There were no decorations of any kind on the walls - just bare plaster. The carpet was very thin, making both rooms loud and echoey. The furniture was minimal to non-existent. The only halfway palatable drink they sold was Tetley draught, though I didn't feel like hanging around to sample it. Unlike all the other pubs in the area, there were no signs up saying it was a member of the pubwatch scheme, although the landlady insisted they were members. The toilets had a large sign sellotaped to the door saying "ANYONE CAUGHT TAKING DRUGS ON THE PREMISES WILL BE REPORTED TO THE POLICE" - suggesting the problem was endemic. The hand-drier had to be repeatedly smacked for it to work more than two seconds (which ironically put the toilets on a par with those in the university union.)

After relieving myself, I quickly left, vowing never to return. Since then, the pub went bust and it's now up for sale, for the trifling sum of £300,000.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 8 Feb 2009, 16:32, 4 replies)

the royal
i used to drink in the royal, if you think that was bad you should have tried the beech and the rose and crown on tong road in wortley, i remember sitting at the bar watching the landlord skin up and others at the tables, the illicit drug taking however was reserved for the toilet where foil could be found on most of the horizontal surfaces.. bag head heaven..
(TROLLING AWAY living under a post ironic bridge, Sun 8 Feb 2009, 16:57, closed)

You complain
But that means that others on the project will have had to samples Big Lil's and The Vine on Eastgate, and The Hayfield on Chapeltown Road.

And the Nags Head and General Elliott on Vicar Lane, and the Duncan....

Can't picture the Royal but Armley generally is not the most salubrious quarter of the shining star of the Northern economy.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 8 Feb 2009, 18:09, closed)

Had' on there
I've just been nattering to a mate and mentioned this post and NOW I know where the Royal was - right down the bottom of High Street by the ring road.

They used to do strippers on a Sunday lunchtime but so did the Nelson - just over the ring road by the bus stops.

But it was the SAME STRIPPERS! I think they did the Royal first, then the Nelson, then went down the Rising Sun on Kirkstall Road.

Then they probably went to the Newlands, bought their drugs, and went home to Hawksworth.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 8 Feb 2009, 19:52, closed)

This Story
Is just like "The Real Ale Twats" in Viz.
(McChinaman banned, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 1:00, closed)