Boobles
I live in a small ex mining village that has a population of around 38,000. A lot of the populace is made up of (as you can imagine from an ex mining village) middle aged, bonkers ex-miners. We are talking about the hardcore of the mining industry, the guys that held out the longest during the strike, fought the coppers regularly etc and Maggie haters to a man. However I digress.

For many years the expected standards of local drinking establishments were relatively low. "Boobles" (name changed not-very-subtly) was once my local and was (before very recent improvements) a superb example of a spit and sawdust shit-hole, right down to the 1980's decor and the minging outside toilets. However Boobles was not entirely without charm. The locals are pretty colorful, the staff friendly and the vodka cheap - so not all was lost.

Right - on with the post. Boobles has a small "snug" area next to the stairs (yes - Boobles is underground) and this is where "The Incident" took place. Me and my mates where in said snug drinking, I went to the stinking /freezing outside bog, and when I can back I spotted a familiar yet out of place object on the floor.

Me - "Urgh!! thats not what I think it is, is it?!?"

Mates - "Arrgghh!! F**kin hell!, aye it is!!"

Someone had left a used tampon on the floor of the pub. A. Used. F**cking. Tampon.

Picture the scenario -

Bloke - "Giz a shag"

Skank - "ner man, I'm on the blob"

Bloke - "so f**k"

Skank - "Ur alreet then, just a sec"

(Small "pop" sound as tampon is pulled out and discarded)

then two scumbags shagging in full view of at least half the clientelle. Yech!!

So - to remedy the situation I told the bar staff so they could dispose of the item. What happened next will live with me forever. A lady from the bar came out holding a dustpan and brush wth the legend "Kitchen only" emblazened upon it with the intention of picking the item up - the problem with this strategy was that when she got close enough to flick it on to the dustpan she was heaving enough fit to barf - potentially adding to the problem. When she eventually got the thing on the dustpan (after I did it for her, she was in a mess) we realised that she had not brought a bag to to put it in and so was forced to walk through a packed pub with her arm fully extended in front of her with dustpan containing a smelly used tampon at face height all the way. Predictably this had the effect of stampeding the locals who managed to see what she was carrying, blokes full on running into each other/walls/the bar, drinks being spilled in panic the lot, while our lot sat back and took in the whole scene.

Crazy.
(Reptilianoid, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 2:10, 4 replies)

Population 38000
and it's a small village?!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 8:44, closed)

yer i know
pple from the nearest city (Newcastle) constantly take the piss out of Ashington with the usual very predictable "yer aal inbeed, yee lot" etc. Like Newcastle is a sprawling metropolis.. C**ts. But yeah still classed as a village.
(Reptilianoid, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 18:00, closed)

Bubbles in Ashington?
??
(chipper, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:57, closed)

Yes!!!
Well done that man! Indeed i speak of bubbles in Ashington. Been there i take it? Was i being to harsh? :-)
(Reptilianoid, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 17:57, closed)