It must have been the mid-1990s.
I'd just been awarded my third dan black belt, the sun was shining, and my two girlfriends at the time had just met, and let's just say they were getting on very well on the back seat ...

We were driving past my old school, and was about to engage in some nostalgia, when who did I see but a lad I was in the same class as me standing by the gates, chatting to some kids!

The lad I remember was one of the bullies at school - he was your typical bone-head - he was so envious when I'd got my 17 GCSEs and six A-levels when I was 15 that he'd quite literally tried to punch me. Being in the school boxing club I was able to dodge the blow easily and simply elbow him in the face, leaving him crying, but due to my tender years I left it at that, being too naive to realise how inevitably he would grow up.

Looking at him through my window, I realised that he wasn't just chatting to some of the kids. He was passing a bag of heroin to one of them, as they handed him some cash.

Having seen what drugs can do to kids, this did not sit well with me. I slammed on the anchors right there and then, and got out.

"Oi, mate!" I called over, "Just what are you doing?!"

"Fuck off Vagabond" he said, "Get yer own market!"

Having had three brothers die of hashish overdoses, I wasn't in the sort of mood for back-chat.

"I suggest you stop that right now, and go and crawl under whatever rock it was that you crawled out from." I hissed.

"Listen Vagabond you div - kids is a good market, this stuff's pure, and it keeps me in bling. Now why don't you just run off and take some photos for your dark graphic comic or whatever" he said - jovially.

He was completely remorseless, and clearly didn't comprehend what a future of dependency, prostitution, and early deaths he was handing to these innocent children.

The red mist descended, and I grabbed him by the throat.

"Get out!" I said, "Or I will break you!"

He spat in my face, and grabbed a nearby iron bar and smashed me round the head with it. Surprised by his audacity, I stepped back, and he came in for another swing with it. A roundhouse kick to the throat sorted out that little endeavour, and he flew against the wall, slumping to the bottom in a stunned heap, sobbing like a little boy.

Now I was pretty angry - he didn't even have the god-damned common courtesy to give me a fight.

I ran back to the car, and slammed it into reverse, then, putting into gear, slammed on the the powerade and smashed him into a bloody pulp.

Needless to say my heart's not really in this but the two girls on the back seat had a great time. Is it time to go to the pub yet?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 14:05, 8 replies)

For great Justice
Beer o clock is nearly here
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 14:43, closed)

In the interests of Top Gear motoring lovers, what sort of car were you driving?

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 14:53, closed)

It was probably
of Japenese make.
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 15:03, closed)

Like this, but not a Toyota...

( Muns, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 15:15, closed)

Something something something...
Accord etc...
(Panzerfaust, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 15:53, closed)

That's uncanny, exactly the same thing happened to me yesterday!
(Russtavo, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 16:51, closed)

AB really is shit.
What's the point of having a chronicler of this board, if he's too crap to even have a screen shot of the post I most want to see from the archives, but that has been deleted.

If your hobby is going to be filing away stories from retards on a crap message board, you could at least be good at it.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 17:30, closed)

Clicking hard.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:04, closed)