Apparently the most shaming thing you can do is just have one...
I have one. But I'm thinking of trading it in for something else. Being an adult male (aka: "possessor of a penis") is a shameful shameful thing.

The other day I'm walking home past my old grade school - I see the kids out playing in the field and I get a bit nostalgic for my younger days. One kid isn't getting to play cause the teams wouldn't be even - so I say what the hell to myself and I hop the fence and ask the kids if they mind me joining in for a bit so we all can play - the outcast kid's face lights up like a christmas tree and ... I'm escorted off the grounds by security (when did schools get security?!?) before I can walk halfway to the field.

Apparently my penis has made me a gay pedophile.

Shameful penis!

My parents will never understand.

I get home quite upset, to find out my roommate's got her lady friends over and they're bemoaning the current economic and job situation. 5 Minutes into that conversation I find out I'm responsible for the (unforgivably low) wages and (totally undesirable) positions of millions of women I've never met, nor hired, nor negotiated salaries with.

Frikkin PENIS! The shame! Now it masterminds the economy!

I take some umbridge at some of the more colorful terms being thrown my way and my roommate, lovely lass that she is - throws a punch at me. And then another. And another. Raising my hands in defense I manage to whack her on the chin. Cops are called.

Unbelievable penis! Now it's made me a domestic abuser!

Forms filled out, bail paid - I run to the pub to drown my sorrows and maybe find a sympathetic shoulder to lean on.

I'm informed by quite a few ladies over the course of the night that my company and conversation are welcome - but only if they come with a pint or fancy drink and a shit load of chatting up - to make up for the fact that I have a (shameful) penis.

Expensively inconvenient intoxicatingly shameful penis! Your very presence demands restitution in the form of libations!
The whole world knows of your evil.

Back at a lovely lasses place later, we have a bit more wine, and get down to business ... where I find out my shameful penis has arrived ready and willing to please - but her righteous vagina is completely unprepared!

Ever-ready penis! FRUSTRATING VAGINA.

So there's cuddling, and snuggling, and kissing and nibbling, and lascivious licking, and lapping of lusciously lustrous lower lips and honestly quite a bit more work on my part which, having a penis, I'm responsible for providing so things can continue to the mutually pleasurable portion.

Slightly wilting, tired and possibly shameful in a whole new way Penis!

Yet we do succeed in a energetic coupling of drunken debauchery and mutual delight and the shameful penis is satiated for another day.

Happy penis. Happy vagina.

Except... in the morning, for reasons of her own - from her past, that evil uncle, from unbalanced chemicals, from anger, need, or whatever...

and because I have a shameful penis

On this innocent morning, after our night of doing all the same things together, she changes her mind and...

I wake up a rapist, and she wakes up a victim.

Damn fucking penis.

It's just shameful the things it does to us. Sometimes I just hate having one.



For the record, and to maybe cut back on some possible reactive comments, yes this is an imaginary story - and - I know it's not easy having a vagina either =)

but, while acknowledging that there are advantages of being a male in society - there really are some disadvantages as well...

one of which seems to be, That if you have a penis - you're a shameful person until proven otherwise, which I'm quite tired of.

This QOTW just kinda set me off I guess - why couldn't it have been the "proudest most impressive thing you've ever done with your penis"? really. seriously. HONESTLY.

I quite like mine. No shame what so ever.

That's probably obvious though =)


No apologies for anything.

*However, No defense of actual rapists, pedos, domestic abusers or the like is intended by this stupidity. Evil is evil no matter the gender. duh.
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 18:56, 9 replies)

Wow!
Just ... wow.
*Click*
( squirrels emit silent screams has updog, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 19:11, closed)

Brilliant little read
*click*
( Lord_Munkee, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 19:34, closed)

"proudest most impressive thing you've ever done with your penis"
I would love to see that QOTW. I've always imagined how cool it would be to have a penis. You could put it in places, like between the sofa cushions or in a jar or between the halves of a hot dog bun.

And I agree with you, despite being a girl.
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 20:08, closed)

Hahaha I used to do that when I was 14
Between the cushions, I mean. Having a penis is awesome sometimes.

Other times, like when you're passed out drunk and your mates superglue it to your thigh, are not so awesome.

Length? I'm being honest and saying "thigh" not "kneecap".
(Helixdaunting, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 0:21, closed)

webcomic of delight
there's a webcomic I'm trying to find - it's written by a female and she spends a day exploring what she'd do if she got a penis... I'll link it as soon as I find it - I think you'd like her style =)
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 14:42, closed)

Found it!
here we go ... assuming it lets me link =)

here we go: "super power"

www.webcomicsnation.com/erika/dar/series.php?view=archive&chapter=27832

and another fun one "shrinkage"

www.webcomicsnation.com/erika/dar/series.php?view=archive&chapter=31918
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 14:48, closed)

Hahahahahaha
Very good :)
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Tue 17 Mar 2009, 1:24, closed)

That would have been great but for the weak kneed disclaimer at the bottom

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 8:42, closed)

ah well
I got too many friends who've been raped by gay paedos while being beat by their family.

they're touchy about this stuff.

So suck it you insensitive bastard, have some compassion for the molested baby bumpers of dysfunctional incestuous grandparents who had to model for horse porn when they were teething.

Jeezus I can't believe your attitude... what are you ... MALE or something?
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 14:37, closed)