I had a wank once
At a fertility clinic. As much as I enjoy a good tug at any opportunity, the environment really puts a dampener upon your special moment.

Firstly; you're made to do it in a pokey room in the middle of a long corridor with an amazing amount of traffic and because the door is shut everyone knows what you're doing.

Secondly; whilst trying to maintain sexy thoughts in a 60s themed cupboard you've got to try and get your baby gravy into a tiny pot and not over your hands. Made all the more difficult by having your trousers around your ankles.

Finally, once you've suffered that indignity and made yourself presentable you have to cross the corridor with your prize in your hands. Remember the traffic? Nod politely and shrug casually and hand your cooling sample over to a waiting nurse. Who's been waiting for you to finish!

And worse than all this, when my GP gave me a tiny test-tube for my first test I listened to my wife when she suggested wanking into a measuring jug and pouring it in. Man batter doesn't decant.
( Weejock, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:40, 4 replies)

better option
Have a clinic that allows you to perform at home, surrounded by porn of your choice, and deliver the proceeds afterwards.

You've got to be sharpish on the way, mind, and keep the pot warm on the way, so make sure the lid goes on tightly to protect your trouser/jacket inside pocket.
(MartinB9999, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 18:37, closed)

Errgh...
...I had to do that,and on getting to the clinic and handing over my tadpoles, was told that it wouldn't be fresh enough, so could I please go and try again...
(Mousy Tongue ...Generally bemused by life..., Sat 14 Mar 2009, 16:02, closed)

Man batter doesn't decant.

I am so glad that I don't need to use that phrase very often!
( Ratsta, Sat 14 Mar 2009, 11:59, closed)

Click
I had to do it once, and we were waiting for a delivery of something, so mum in law had to wait downstairs while I was upstairs pulling my pud. 'Twas a bit awkward.
(kitescreech still here, Tue 17 Mar 2009, 12:07, closed)