Wonky Cock Argument
I was coming to the end of a pretty decent relationship with my then girlfriend Emma, the beautiful but mental scouser. We'd just grown apart.

We'd had a few barnstorming rows in our time. Once she smashed a plate over my head and I now have a rather fetching scar over my eyebrow. Blood? Fuck me. It was like Saw I through to V.

So, we're limping along in this fucked up relationship, annoying the hell out of each other.

We're in the supermarket and it starts kicking off. She wanted All Bran, I wanted Sugar Puffs (the finest foodstuff known to man), it really was that bad between us.

We started with some quiet exchanges. But Emma had a shril voice that could shatter glass, and when she got started although she was a size 8 she'd take on the stature of Pavarotti, and the voice to match.

We're walking round the supermarket, bitching and moaning. I say something quite innocent:

"Well, it's not my fault you don't want to have sex anymore. I should leave you in the freezer department where you belong, with the fridges."

And Emma screams, I mean SCREAMS:

"WELL, AT LEAST I HAVEN'T GOT A BENT PENIS!!!"

I really could've curled up and died. I went bright red and kept my head down as we coasted past a couple of sniggering grannies, a gang of teenage boys, and a fucking nun. I kid you not, a fucking nun.



Oh, and it does veer to the right a bit - well, a fair bit - when standing to attention. Just a bit. What I really need is to find a woman with a wonky vagina and I'll be sorted.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:40, 8 replies)

why do you admit to
this stuff, mate? like it tho.
(Errin C, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:41, closed)

Just logged on
and read this. Now I need to go and have a wee cuz I laughed so much! Thanks! :-)
(Save Us All !!!, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:42, closed)

You have a serious
problem. not with your willy, but in your head, you nutcase. *clicky*
(Grrrrr Tigers, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:43, closed)

A slightly bendy cock is common enough far as I can see.
I often wondered it leans left because I'm right-handed if you see what I'm getting at.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:56, closed)

I've always hoped to god that's the cause of it
I tried wanking left handed for a while to get it back to being lined up right

Didn't work
(SoneMe, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:57, closed)

LOL poem
Here lies the body
of dear old Dick
who went through life
with a twisted prick.

All his life
was a lifelong hunt
looking for the girl
with the twisted cunt.

When he found one
he dropped down dead,
for the one he found
had a left-hand thread.
(sneezymonkey, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 18:40, closed)

Thats just
lovely, that is.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 20:33, closed)

Same here
Mine points to the right. Not a huge amount, but it is noticeable. And it is caused by wanking, or having a massive throbbing hardon in 5th form and painfully forcing the insolent bastard down into your jeans, trying to hide your arousal.
(Helixdaunting, Tue 17 Mar 2009, 23:38, closed)