A disgusting Cut And Paste Job....
....but what do you expect with a question like this....at least it's on topic!

pea begins:

One bright balmy summers evening, I'm reclining on my couch recieving a spot of togerlingus from my filly (a rarity in itself!).

As I approach the Billy Mill roundabout, I suddenly remember that this particular young lady is neither a spitter not a swallower - nay, she's more of a move out of the way and say 'oooh that's horrible, look at it going everywhere' type.

Noticing that there is nothing to hand with which to shield my tee shirt and indeed my soft furnishings from the imminent (and now irrevocable) baby paste fountain, and also realising thatin my supine position I'm never gonna catch it in my dirty little mitts, I decide to clamp down on either side of the glans with thumb and finger, trapping the Oil of Goolay inside the truncheon until I can shuffle off to the water closet.

Don't do this kids. I burst my dick. At least internally. There was a nasty feeling of pressure, and then an even nastier feeling of internal rippage which quite took the fun out of the proceedings. With much panicked yelling, I let go (firing man batter up the tee shirt), and ran off to the loo.

To cut the rest of this sordid and graphic tale short, having your jap constantly drip blood for 2 days straight, and not daring to pee, let alone wank for nearly a week is not something to stick on your to-do list. I'm not even counting the vague feeling of shame going to work with half a bog roll wrapped round your cock like Mumm-Ra's sex aid so blood doesn't run down your leg and into your shoe.

Still, returned the favour recently and split the bitch.
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Tue 17 Mar 2009, 17:04, 11 replies)

I seem to recall
clicks for 'Mumm-Ra's sex aid' - have another this time. Inspired.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Mar 2009, 17:13, closed)

And have another for
"Oil of Goolay"

*clicks*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 17 Mar 2009, 17:18, closed)

Yay!
Repost clicks are the bestest clicks of all, like when you get a Kit Kat finger that's all chocolate!
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Tue 17 Mar 2009, 17:21, closed)

I take it you're from Shields...
"As I approach the Billy Mill roundabout..."

I've never heard this phrase, do explain.
(darkmavis86, Tue 17 Mar 2009, 20:38, closed)

Nope, sorry, never been there....
.....it's merely an obscure and poetic reference to the vinegar strokes - a quick google search (or a flick through the Profanisaurus if you have it) will explain all.
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Wed 18 Mar 2009, 9:59, closed)

Billy Mill roundabout
is indeed a real roundabout in the North East. 'Approaching the Billy Mill roundabout' is a fine euphimimsy indeed.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 19 Mar 2009, 13:42, closed)

I have never...
...heard of it having a nose bleed doing that.

Or perhaps mine is stronger?


Should have aimed it at her - after all, she did syphon the underwater stream.
(FunOnABun Smears lard on you!, Tue 17 Mar 2009, 23:43, closed)

I still say
if you're prepared to put a dick in your mouth you should be prepared to deal with what comes out of it.

Swallow for fucks sake!
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 3:10, closed)

^^^This!!
Absolutely! fair's fair!


*Blushes at own previous post
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 9:59, closed)

A fabulous sentiment..
....however I'm fully prepared to accede to whatever level of oral acceptance I can get away with.
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Wed 18 Mar 2009, 10:03, closed)

Press hard on your perineum*
just before the point of climax to derive the following benefits:

a) a much more intense orgasm (via external prostate stimulation)

b) little/no ejaculation

Fuck knows where the jizz goes, but it stays inside you. Tantra for the win.

*the skin between your asshole and your balls
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 3:18, closed)